dream on

So, here I am in Nottingham, in my new room. It's cold~

And this is my new blog name: denial/redemption (DR).

Cause in some ways, DR helped me to get through most of the dramatic events whilst in the UK. And the name reflects whatever that has happened in the past 2 years or even before that.

Anyway, I'm in my 3rd year now. You know what that means..a whole lot of drama with new twists and surprises.

Firstly, look at my exam dates between the 1st and 3rd year:

Year 1: this is a typical timetable for most universities (look at the reds)

Year 3: Look at the butterflies!

The cool thing is, the exams are distributed over the academic year instead of cramming it into one duration like during Sem 4 which was the worst exam experience ever in my life. I'm so grateful to make it through last semester. Having all of these dates means I'm going to rock and roll sooner than you think and more than you expect. So you see that this is actually one of the many hardships of Medicine.

I actually went to the introduction lecture for the 1st year Medics yesterday, just to hear the words from Prof Lowe. It's very inspiring really. Reminding me of the times when I was one of the freshers 2 years ago.

But what I want to highlight is something that Dr Burr said during the lecture. He said that although we are all brainy, most of us will be average and that's something that we're not really used to. And that's going to be difficult for some people.

Well, Dr Burr didn't tell me this when I came to Nottingham in 2009 :P

Cause that's what I am right now, average. But my dreams are high. Really high. Sometimes I wonder why I dream so high when eventually, I'd end up upsetting myself when I can't reach it.

Because Wafi, that is what Allah wants you to do. He wants you to dream big and He doesn't expect you to become a mediocre. I have to bloom out of mediocrity (BOOM).

Tetiba ada iklan. But the point is, we need to aim high. Kalau kita nak masuk syurga pon, kita kena aim masuk syurga firdaus kan? ;)

And 3rd year is the year to make it or break it. Duhh, I prefer to make it, insyaAllah.

It's truly going to be one heck of a ride.

This time around, I'm bringing Wafi back...

shut up and drive

I'm leaving Malaysia today and this year, I drove a lot more than I did last year. Probably because I have a car to myself for this whole summer, ihik2. Anyway, I actually just found out the reality of driving in Malaysia. It's distressing! 

You know, I really enjoy adrenaline rush..like when I go down the large slide in Leicester or run against the wind in Nottingham. But the adrenaline rush that I'd usually get when I'm driving on Malaysian road is different. It's the bad kind. It's like you're trying to survive a disaster. And here are some of the characters that I would usually find on the road.

The immortalized motorcyclist

There was only one encounter -  I was moving into the fast lane when suddenly, this motorcyclist appeared at the right side of my car. It's clear that this motorcyclist was accelerating as I have made sure that it was really safe before moving into the lane. So, I let him pass since he was immortal and there's no need to drive with him side by side as if we're a couple. He went past me and the funny thing is, he actually turned his head around to face me. Too bad I didn't have a camera installed at the front of my car; I would have displayed his face on my blog or on Facebook. He was giving me a look that said something like "Don't you know I'm immortal?". My response: "Dude, I know. That's why I let you passed." In Australia, motorcyclist deaths are approximately 30 times more than drivers of other vehicles. In Malaysia, this motorcyclist believes 30 times more than other motorcyclists that he is immortal.

The lane keeper

This is a normal character on the highway. If you haven't meet them, you need to drive more :P

There was one time when I looked at the lane on my right during a traffic congestion. There was a gap of about 3 cars next to me and the cars on that lane was moving slowly. I said to myself, let's perform an experiment.

Research question: Is the driver on the right lane a typical lane keeper?

Hypothesis: Adlan Wafi believes the driver is a lane keeper and would not allow him to get into the fast lane. In addition, he believes the driver would accelerate as if he was on an assassination mission.

A normal driver would definitely let me get into the lane. And so this is what happened as the experiment was preformed..

I gave a signal and moved into the lane on the right and the car behind (the person being tested) accelerated as if he needed to go to the nearest toilet or he'll wet his car seat. In addition, he honked his car furiously. Hypothesis proven and experiment was successful. I only smiled when he honked. Yelah, takkan nak mencarut kot. That is so not cool. I'm just a bit disappointed with his behaviour.

The hired assassin

Did you know? I actually met a lot of these assassins on the road. There was one day where I think it would have been a total massacre if I had not use the horn. 

These assassins originate from the slow lane or the middle lane. They attempt murder by driving so fast and close to their victim on the fast lane, forcing the victim to slow down his/her car and let the assassins get in front of them. Of course, the victim who did not survive this technique might be unfortunate enough to suffer an accident, naudzubillah.

So yeah, when I was driving in Malaysia, I didn't use the horn that much as I find them offensive. But when I finally discovered these assassins. I just have to use it for my survival.

You see, when you horn the honk at these assassins, they would finally realize that killing is wrong. They would stop from trying to get into your lane and stay on their own lane. They would probably go and see those who hired them to return the money. Honestly, there was one day where everyone was out to get me.

The telepathic lane stealer

These characters are everywhere! At first, I thought their signal lights were broken or they're trying to reduce the consumption of their car batteries but no, that can't be it. They must be telepaths.

 Let me read your mind! (Source)

These telepaths; I envy them. They can move into any lanes that they want without illuminating their signal lights. All they have to do is to use their ability by getting into the head of the drivers on the other lanes and said something like, "Hey, I wanna go into your lane". And they go into their lanes without any signal lights. However, they forgot that most drivers (like me) wear those head protectors like Magneto. Telepaths can't get into our minds silly. You need to use the signal lights like normal people. My heart skips a beat when these telepathic lane stealers are on the road.

And that's reality.

You might think it's easy actually. I can just turn into any of these 4 characters any other day and survive the treacherous roads of Malaysia. Be them and live!

But I beg to differ.  I choose to be myself. 

Be who you are and not what others are forcing you to be (provided that these other people are not portraying good qualities)

You see, when Rasulullah was trying to touch the hearts of others, he didn't fight fire with fire. Let the people throw anything bad that you could ever imagine upon him but no, he didn't throw it back to them. He was a man who displayed good traits; qudwah hasanah. Rasulullah was being himself.

And that's what I believe. I believe in portraying good qualities which I hope others would be inspired to follow. I believe that the act of illuminating signal lights and giving way to people on the road may be a small step for the drivers of Malaysia to actually do the same thing. 

I believe that small good deeds may be minimal in the eyes of men, but they are noteworthy for Allah.

Be the change that you want to see in Malaysia. 

It starts from an individual. It starts from you.

And this is the importance of being me...

make me smile

This post contains stories relating to Ramadhan that I would like to remember...

 What does this mean? Well, the artist left it as it is, without completing the colouring part; as it is up to us to colour our Ramadhan :)

Story 1

It was during JOM when I was under a lot of stress when Ashraf Zakwan came along, sat next to me and began taking out a piece of paper. He started drawing cartoons and used some coloured pens to make it look cool. I smiled the moment I saw what it was - a self-made Ramadhan greeting card.

This cartoon actually motivates me to have my sahur, ihik2

Plus, I got to keep it! That made me feel less stressful and certainly made my day :)

Story 2

Akhirnya, dapat jugak pergi ke rumah Cik Manggis yang popular. Getting to know my friend's family sure was delightful. Cik Manggis sediakan sangat banyak makanan, tapi sayangnya tak mampu nak makan banyak (memang kurang makan waktu bulan Ramadhan tapi kalau bulan lain, memang banyak. Haha). Sangat sedap! (Sup & ayam especially) Teringat waktu kat Manchester bila Kak Tiqah prepare nasi ayam untuk makan malam. Mesti resipi turun-temurun keluarga. Sebelum balik, dapat pulak hadiah dari Cik Manggis. Rasa sangat excited dan terharu, huhu. I surely won't forget that day :)

Story 3

Tatkala sedang berada dalam kereta, terdengar komen seorang ustaz tentang keadaan fizikal orang yang berpuasa. Menurut ustaz, sudah tentu orang yang berpuasa akan berasa letih. Itu fitrah, badan berasa letih apabila tak makan. Apa yang kuat waktu Ramadhan ialah roh kita. Then, I suddenly remembered a friend who told me that there was once a man who said that fasting reduces productivity. Well, of course. If you define productivity as something merely physical or tangible; that could be true. But, if you define it as the aftermath of Ramadhan, well that's a whole new perspective isn't it? A month of training. A month of patience. A month of enlightenment. If we don't achieve anything by the eve of Syawal, wouldn't that be a waste? Let's reflect ourselves while there's still a few days left. So that when Syawal arrives, we'd be happy for trying our best in the month of Ramadhan :)

These are just a collection of my life stories which I would like to remember as I progress through this temporary world. I share them with you hoping that they would be worthwhile.

But mostly, I share them with you cause they make me smile...

stickwitu

And here comes another post, a personal one. Yeah, what do you expect? After all, this blog is called being me.

In my life, I have always told myself to be strong. Being a single child for the first 5 years probably has given an impact onto my personality. And being the only boy in the family (until Irfan came along) made me grow closer to my brothers.

I tend to become attached with people whom I've grown fond of and it is depressing when the time comes to say goodbye. You could probably tell from the sentimental intensity that was portrayed through the posts that I wrote during the KMB/Nottingham transition and even when I'm in the UK after several months. 

It's difficult really when I had known someone for a very long time and then I wished he could be with me so I can spent more time with him. But of course, this rarely happens.

I kept telling myself that when I become a doctor, I might become attached to my patients which I instantaneously hope that I won't. It's because of who I really am, someone who can really get attached to the people that I encountered in my life. That's why I once made a statement (not sure where) before I fly to the UK that sounds a bit like this:

"Don't think I would ever let you into my life that easy"

I was directing that statement to anyone that I would meet after my departure. Well, that didn't happen right, Adlan? And I'm glad it didn't. Cause now, I have lots of people who care and people I care. And that is sweet!

What I'll tell myself right now is to become firmer next year (3rd year). Regardless of which path they took, it's all destined by Allah and I have to accept it. Sure, I will be lying on my bed when I get upset but I need to get up promptly cause there are more things to be done. Even if I won't be meeting them that much, I just need to remember that in this world, everything is temporary and Allah is there for me, always~

This post is actually featured on my bloglist and I highly recommend that you read it especially if you're like me. Like the author, I too...am attached to emotions, to memories, to people. My attachment was probably heightened with my unexplained capability to reminisce past events in life. Alhamdulillah, I'm really grateful for this gift.

I need to remember that even if I won't be meeting them that much, I can always pray for them and if we were not destined to meet again in this world, then insyaAllah, we would meet in jannah. Isn't that the place we all are hoping to go to eternally?

Attachment. 

It is who I am. 

I will still become attached to some people. 

But the transcendent attachment would be towards none other than Allah...

speak now

Hello, sorry for not updating for a very long time. It's obvious isn't it? My blog remains dormant when I'm busy...and let me tell you, I was busy even until now but one of my jobs is about to end, insyaAllah. So yeah, I'm gonna write more posts now.

This is another flashback ;)

It's interesting really. In my life, I have always considered myself to be an extrovert. But several things in the past (whilst in the UK mostly) had proven me wrong. Deep down inside, I'm an introvert. An introvert trying to be an extrovert.

Yeah, when I was younger, probably in high school, there was one time when we had to go to an open house of my aunt in Shah Alam during Raya. And when we're there, me, my siblings and a cousin of mine went upstairs and stayed there most of the time. My cousin even said to some of the children who went upstaris, "Eh apa naik atas ni? Turun2". I was laughing at that time and told my Mum about it. Her reply:

"Korang ni memang...keturunan antisocial"

LOL

Haha, I guess she was right, huh? And when in the UK, well, when I'm around people, I tend to be quiet. It's hard really and people would judge me as someone who don't mix around with people when in fact I was naturally this way. Of course, during the high school days, I never really knew about this trait of mine. Time after time, I became the president, the committee member of numerous societies, student representatives, project managers...I was even a president of a sports club (yeah, tell me about it :P) and I also became a public speaker, a storyteller, an actor in a musical, a player in a national quiz (with those cool buzzers), never became a debater to represent my school though (a common misconception among my friends, the only debate that I have participated is the one in KMB during Economics and my class rocks! Despite the fact we didn't get 1st place), nasheed, choir, a commandant...well I can continue writing them down but the point is, I surprise myself if I had known all along that I was an introvert.

There were also various occasions in Nottingham where I would hide myself in my room when there would be lots of people in the living room. Well, I hid lots of times actually, heh. I even tweeted sometimes hoping that I would feel better telling my friend that I'm uncomfortable during that time.

I find it hard to talk to people at times. And only after several encounters would I be able to converse normally. My close friends know all along that I'm really shy and quiet. But I would not describe myself that way, haha. It was during one time when I finally figured out who I really am when I blurted out a statement during a secret meeting of the Upper East Siders as a response to how our trip had been in Turkey. I told him to read my blog when I publish the post (but tak publish lagi kan? :P) as "I am more expressive in my writing than in my speech". That hit me. That's who I really am. No wonder I've been struggling this whole time.

And then I got a wall post on FB from Kakak Nana:

Well, that wall post just made me smile. True, I don't really talk much. So, I'm probably not good at generating conversations. But at least, I'm improving. I made my nenek smile :)

And so, that's what I'll continue to do. Please pray that this shy little boy would become more unreserved. Cause he doesn't want people to think he's antisocial. He's just trying to be more open.

Rasulullah himself was a very shy man but he managed to become the most influential man in history as well as becoming the rahmat for the whole universe (Rahmatul Lil Alamin, 21:107). That is coolness!

And I, Adlan Wafi am trying to grow out of my shell...

fighting temptation

 It doesn't relate to the post, but I just love this luminarium ^^

So, here I am right now...back to the field of reality for a few months.

This morning, I heard something really interesting from Dato' Fadzilah Kamsah on MHI. I always like watching MHI in Malaysia. I watched it on the day of the release of my SPM result, during Christmas and on the days of summer last year just so that I can get some updates on what is going on in this country. Anyway, he said that we should always pray that we will not have the opportunities to do any sins. It's because, when we are surrounded by these opportunities, it is feared that we might not be able to resist the temptation of doing them.

True enough isn't it? Let me elucidate further by using myself as an example.

As an environmentalist, I always try my best to recycle the wastes that I created; be it the receipts from the purchase of ZARA jackets or even the box used to pack my Neuroanatomy colouring book from Amazon. It really is easy to recycle in the UK where the recycling bins are readily accessible. The ones around Dunkirk allowed me to recycle almost any recyclable wastes. But then, it was closed indefinitely. That's alright..cause I still can recycle at the medical school.

But here in Malaysia, I can assure you that I could not even find a recycling bin in a radius of 500 m from where I'm typing this blogpost right now. The one place I know would require me to drive for about 5-10 min in order for me to fulfil my so called "environmentalist" purpose. Looking at my rubbish bin, I can see several ounces of paper wastes which I could easily recycle if I were in Nottingham. 

The point is, it's easy isn't it for me to recycle when all these recycling bins are around me? But when they're not, I can easily turn into a waste-producing monster.

Ajr like sins..your likelihood of obtaining them depends on what you surround yourself with. If you always be in a group of friends whom remind you of Allah 24/7, then insyaAllah, you'd be safe and sound. But if you surround yourself in an environment that can easily tempt you into committing actions that can lead to Allah's wrath, then you might do yourself a good deal by staying away from the opportunities.

And this summer, well let's just say I have several projects in my head (including medical, saving the world stuff), books to be read, tasks to be achieved and so much more. They do seem mountainous at the time but I hope the progress would be smooth insyaAllah.

So let's pray shall we that Allah will close the opportunities for us to commit any sins...

...cause we might not be able to resist them and give in to temptation, naudzubillahi mindzalik...

butterfly fly away

I have a bestfriend...about 2 years ago, he made lots and lots of butterflies out of many coloured papers when IB exam was around the corner.

And then, he asked me what to do with so many of those paper-coloured butterflies; I said give them to your friends, colour up their lives. 

And I got one butterfly; red in colour, which I happily wore the whole time on that one special day where you get to meet your teachers and friends before the dreadful exam. Sadly, the butterfly which I put on my green Pierre Cardin shirt went missing whilst I was in the hall on that fateful day. I was slightly upset about that but then again, it's not about the butterfly that made me upset. It's the fact that I have lost something sentimental which my friend had given to me.

Two years have passed, and here I am, trying to be strong with all the dramatic events that life can offer. And even though I may have lost the butterfly, at the very least, I still have him as my friend. (although I don't get to see him that much and even when we're in the same place, we would not have much time to spend together with...we're very busy people)

Anyway, this post is not for him, it's for you. 

Yes, you :)

So, exam is just around the corner. And I made a butterfly for you. Why? In the hope of trying to make your day. Cause I love trying to make someone's day. That's my hobby which I have developed since KMB. And that butterfly? It's the exact same type which my bestfriend had given to the lucky people of KMB. And since then, butterflies have always been special to me. Anyway, I wish you all the best. After all, who knows what the future holds? Only Allah knows what is destined for us. But at the very least, we need to ensure that we have given our very best. At the very least, I knew that I've tried my best~

"Do your best and let Allah do the rest ;)"

Caterpillar in the tree

How you wonder who you'll be

Can't go far but you can always dream; 

Wish you may and wish you might

Don't you worry, hold on tight

I promise you there will come a day, insyaAllah biiznillah...

didn't we almost have it all

And so the result is out:

So I walked home quickly to see if I got a reply from Dr D and it seems that he emailed everyone saying that the result was out - and I got no. 3!

Well okay, I've already gotten MIA (Molecular Immunology and Autoimmunity) for this semester so maybe it's time for someone else to get their 1st choice(s). You can't get everything that you want in life.

I wonder why do I always go for the popular ones..

"This year the percentage of students awarded their first or second choice of homebase (71%) fell from the previous year (85%)."

Yeah, I'm one of the 29%.

"This was probably a consequence of a substantial rise in the numbers placing Psychiatry as their first choice (68, up from 33 last year)."

And again, I'm one of the 68 from 270 (25.19%) medical students who opted for this homebase. Apparently, Psychiatry is the hot stuff for this year.

2 statistical figures directed at me :P

Ok, so I wouldn't be meeting Dr T or Dr T. I guess I'd be seeing Dr X (X means unknown).

Haha, my Top 5 had always been a plan. Put only those with less than 20 spots and think of the ones which people are least likely to go for and arrange them.

So there'll be no cakes for me then. But the reason why I put the 3 MOL (Molecular Medical Sciences: Immunology, Microbiology & Molecular and Cellular Pathology) in the middle is because I know that there will be Ms JP and she consistently gets credit for her efficiency. And plus MOL is one of the homebases which you do not have to read a lot during summer. And it's 5000 words of report only. And out of the 3, Microbiology is the one (according to my research prior to the selection) that recorded the highest mark for its modules; I put it as no. 3 instead of 2 cause I like Immunology more - I have passion for those Y-shaped thingies! Last but not least, I still have a chance to see Dr T and even Dr M-P, my tutor if I get the taught course III!

All is well! Even though I'm one of the few who didn't get my Top 2...(tu sebab kena keluarkan result awal-awal, haish)

Lagipun, bukan kita kena berazam untuk jadi golongan yang sedikit ke? (smile, smile, wink, wink) That may not be relevant, but you get the point right? ;)

Haha. Ok, I guess that's enough. I have 100+ lectures to be read. And it's sad to say goodbye to MIA..reminds me of the time when I said goodbye to BHS (Behavioural Sciences) last year. lol

Thank you Allah. I believe this is a better plan for me (^^,)

Bring on Microbiology for Sem 5! InsyaAllah, biiznillah...

the reason

I have always wanted to write this post...and a tweet a few days ago probably initiated an urge to write this concealed recollection of the days in Jasin.

Mind you, this is a very personal reflection of me. I have been saving this story from being published on this blog for a very long time. 

Well, I'm not gonna tell the full story cause I prefer to keep it recondite. But during the month of May 2005, I was in one of the most significant events of my life. And I had to endure an obstruction whilst the other students of Jasin were undertaking the first semester examination. Yeah, I didn't manage to reach the finish line with the others. I was taken back to Shah Alam with 4 subjects left to be completed - Pendidikan Islam, Chemistry (couldn't remember the other 2). So basically, my CGPA was incomplete. Yet, it was sufficient for me to apply for a post in the BWP (Badan Wakil Pelajar) - the Student Council. 

So I took the form and several processes later, I ended up at the final stage - the campaign, the manifesto, the election.

I reminded myself. I was competing with an unfinished CGPA. And it was during that one morning in the dormitory when I began pondering about my decision as to whether or not I should take the offer given by my parents - They have made it clear that they would be delighted to take me home and it's just me who needed to make the decision to withdraw from MRSM Jasin. As I showered myself with the cold water, I finally came up with a solution. I said to myself, that if I win and become one of the BWP members, I shall stay. Because at that time, I just couldn't seem to find a purpose to continue my studies there. I needed a reason to stay.

(Not in the picture - Abdul Haq. I'd call this an irony, huhu)

Alhamdulillah, I was one of the 14 members of BWP and I was grateful for everything that happened afterwards :)

So, that was it. Thinking back what had happened, it was quite funny on how things turned out to be. Staying in Jasin allowed me to learn more about Islam. Although not to the level that I was presented with at KMB (smile, smile, wink, wink ^^,) ; it was  perhaps the initial step which have made me who I am today. 

But now, I'm aware that there is a bigger responsibility. And I reminded someone a few days ago which in turn, is a reminder for me as well:

"...sbb sgt penting niat kita dlm tiap2 sesuatu. and kalau niat kte betul and ikhlas, insyaAllah kte akan diredhaiNya..."

Sunday, 27th March 2011, 10.10pm

Cause we had the AGM (Annual Grand Meeting) for NMS (Nottingham Malaysian Society) a few days ago. And it did make me recall some things in the past.

And with that adlan wafi, don't forget the reason...