Monday, March 10, 2014

here we go again

Hello everyone,

My name's Adlan Wafi Ramli and I recently experienced failures for the second time.

But somehow, I'm pretty calm for a few reasons:
1. being me
2. I asked a few friends to make du'a so Allah will give me peace and serenity when the revelation day was approaching
3. Cause I quite like the idea of redeeming myself

Now, let's hear this story of mine this time around. Firstly, I would like to apologize that I'm writing another post about failures for a second time. I was pretty confident that "don't dream it's over" would be the the last one (currently, it is the 4th most viewed post of all time on this blog and I didn't have to put it up on FB like I usually do).

Last Friday, 7.3.14

Just need to do a shout out to my mutarabbi, that we had usrah on the night before Revelation Day. And you guys definitely took away my anxiety. So, thank you. I really appreciate the time you spent with me. So, apa lagi, jom join usrah!

It was a really good day. I managed to cut my nails as its sunnah, even had time to perform duha prayer between lectures because I didn't do any of these when I left home in the morning cause I was in a hurry. Me, Syakir & Hosni went to the results room to get our envelopes. Yeah, for Finals, each one of us have our own envelopes.

The envelope

The initial plan was not to open it up since I was going on a hiking trip with my usrah mates for the weekend and if I were to fail, that would definitely made me feel sulky. And then I saw a lot of people posting their statuses on FB saying that they are now Dr "insert surname" which I liked all of them cause they were such happy news. So, I can't help peeking through the transparent plastic and read the sentence behind my address & saw that it contained the words "repeat" and "penalty". And if you read this post entitled "survive the game", I've posted the letter that you'd receive if you failed and I don't think they would put those words in a letter for a person who passed their Finals.


I peeked through the plastic window and learned the result of my Finals

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

this is why we fight

I came across this status on FB today and it was really moving..

I myself was being frustrated as always at the moment because I haven't been a really good one throughout the years but this status was destined for me to read it, for me to become inspired again. So, I decided to share it with all of you hoping that if you ever felt low along the way, get back up cause there's a reason why we fight.

"Mengendalikan sebuah usrah, adalah seperti mentadbir sebuah dunia dalam kesenyapan. 

Tidak seperti dakwah umum; 
Membawa usrah tiada publisiti, tiada liputan, tiada ganjaran. 

Juga, 

Menjadi seorang murabbi, tidaklah sama seperti personaliti dakwah. 

Kita tidak akan punya page Facebook sendiri, status tidak akan menerima jutaan like dan share, blog tidak akan mendapat ribuan views. 

Friday, February 21, 2014

fear will find you

"...How do you remember these things so exactly?"

"I see them every night," he says.

I know what he means. Nightmares - now plague me whenever I sleep. 

Once upon a time in KMB

Thursday, February 13, 2014

circus

I've been so stressful but my usrahmates are making me feel much at ease alhamdulillah.

This is the story of #FebFinals.

I chose the name of this post as it is because that's what our OSCEs were described as in King's Mill Hospital, Mansfield.

Definition of circus
thefreedictionary.com

cir·cus (sûr′kəs)

noun
1. a public entertainment consisting typically of a variety of performances by acrobats, clowns, and trained animals
2. an oval or circular arena, usually tented and surrounded by tiers of seats, in which such a performance is held
3. a person or group of people whose behaviour is wild, disorganized, or (esp unintentionally) comic

I have to say that all of the above reflects what happened on Tuesday & Wednesday.


OSCE 1

Honours stations (well, I need to motivate myself after the tough 2 days):


DRE (Digital rectal examination) - perfection with a capital P
ABPI (Ankle Branchial Pressure Index) - finished in less than 5 minutes 
Abdominal - Got a pat on the back from the consultant and he said "Well done!"
Cardiovascular - my current future career aim, got the diagnosis

Blunder stations (the ones that I'm worried about):

I've done some editing because I need to stay positive. I put the reasons of why I should pass that station after my explanation in case my medical school finds my blog.


Source: here

Acute - Didn't give antibiotics, wasn't vocal enough BUT I was competent in a way that I did the ABC assessment, mentioned specifically lactate dehydrogenase from the ABG and correctly diagnosed the condition. I even picked up the correct fluids and cannula whereas other people simply mentioned them.


Source: here

SBAR Phone call - No structure, lots of silence and "I'm sorry but I couldn't think of any right now" BUT I correctly diagnosed the condition, decided to give the right medication (diuretic) and proved to the examiner that I have AWESOME short-term memory which is going to be useful for real-life scenarios. You can't fail someone with a GREAT short-term memory okay!!



Source: here

IM injection - The most emotionally-challenged station, on the verge of breaking down BUT I showed my utter regret for doing the mistake, proved that I would start again, mentioned everything VERBATIM according to the mark scheme and didn't stab myself.



Source: here

Hand exam - I put this initially as a confirmed PASS but before I went to sleep that night, I realized that I didn't do enough tests, so I ended up being restless for an additional 15 minutes before I managed to fall asleep. And I had to wake up early for OSCE 2 the following morning BUT I was really confident, smiled throughout the process, did all sensorimotor assessments and the patient was happy to have me examined her. She even wished me "Good luck!".

Sorry for the capitalized words. I think I need to convince myself more than anything right now. Hard to focus when you have self-doubtism.

OSCE 2

I've already had my first nightmare last night and I hate it. Back in first half of 4th Year (before I had failures) after the end of Obs and Gynae OSCE, I had nightmares back-to-back in the first few weeks post-exam. It was horrible..I had to relieve the exams in my dreams and sometimes I woke up feeling restless. And these nightmares even happened when my mum came to visit in December 2012. 

This dream that I had last night was not really a nightmare but it showed me going back into my final station of OSCE 2 and did everything that I should've done - I did straight leg raise, said that it might actually be bony metastasis (cancer), it might also be mechanical back pain and I would do an X-ray, possibly MRI. And I saw the examiner giving me a PASS result. The reality - I didn't do the above and I'm marking that station as a blunder. Yeah, it's just 1 station but I already missed a HUGE thing on another station and this means that I have 2 stations that I'm worried about. And I know that these nightmares are going to haunt me over & over again until the next revelation...

Sunday, February 02, 2014

4 minutes

4 minutes is the amount of time per station which me and my friends have been practising for our OSCE (Objective Structured Clinical Examination) for the past I-don't-even-know-how-many weeks. In the real exam we will have 5 minutes to show off our skills and 1 minute to present, so it's nice to practice in a reduced period of time.

And tomorrow, is the beginning of craziness.

My blue stethoscope will be with me for the OSCEs :D

It starts with National PSA (Prescribing Safety Assessment). I really don't like any of the national exams. Just because the time pressure is heightened when I face them. Heh.

The following week is the Finals #FebFinals and it begins with the week of testing our skills via the popular exam method called - the OSCEs.

And the last week is the time for our knowledge to be tested via the online system which I've grown to love and hate throughout my 5 years here.

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

brick by boring brick

Hey everyone,

If you can see the huge countdown above, 26 days left. By the time you read this, it's probably way lesser that that. I'm so worried right now. 

Banyak sangat lagi tak baca. But I keep telling myself that I survived May, I have to, I have to say that..over and over again to keep motivating myself. That I'm just like everyone else now after #RememberNovember huhu.

I know, I wanted to postpone writing on this blog at least until Finals but I want to remember the moments leading up to #FebFinals. I mean, I haven't been writing in my journal lately. Imagine my grandchildren reading my journal in the future, they'd be like, "Grandpapa, what happened between November 2013 and February 2014?" Lol, in which I'd ask them to go to my blog. Kah3.

Ok, I'm not panicking. So this is a good sign. But certainly, I'm not making good progress. The main things like Cardio and Repsiratory (Heart and Lungs) stuff haven't been covered :O But I will, as I always do iA. My MACCS (Mandatory Assessment of Core Clinical Skills) are such a pain! I began CP3 with 29 skills to be done. Now all that's left is 2. Sounds easy but a catheter has a rarity similar to that of Mewtwo.

This is Mewtwo (source)

Ok, mungkin bukan Mewtwo but more like Articuno or Moltres. No offence but I was never really a fan of Zapdos.

The 3 legendary birds. As legendary as the legendary catheter (source)

Saturday, January 04, 2014

survive the game

Yesterday, I learned that I, Adlan Wafi Ramli has officially passed 4th Year of Medicine. Alhamdulillah! And the feeling is beyond awesomeness..


And I made this video the night before the revelation because I couldn't sleep, haha. This video was meant to tell how I've felt throughout the process but I actually caused more anxiety among my family members, huhu. My little brother actually thought that I still fail 3 exams and my aunts gave words of encouragement to my dad, huhu. I honestly thought the video was funny, didn't mean to make people worry. Sorry if it did!


This is my mark and it's PERFECT to me ^_^

But alhamdulillah, I passed Paediatrics Knowledge and thus, I passed 4th Year!! Woot2! Haha. And the only thing that stands between me and going home is Finals which is basically like everyone else :)))))

I have to say that my elective period has been challenged three times thus far:
  • I failed my MACCS (Mandatory Assessment of Core Clinical Skills) in Obs & Gynae. So you can sort of understand why I don't like this specialty.
  • #PrayForMay - 7 exams in one week?! It was a blessing from Allah that I passed them all
  • #RememberNovember - it's the only one left from 4th Year. Failing it would mean repeating the whole attachment in the elective period. And I really wanted to go home after everything I've been through, huhu.
So yeah, take that Medical School. I beat you! Haha. Well, there's still Finals but I'm so determined right now. Don't worry peers, I still have a lot to cover. After all, I think you guys are much readier than what you believe since you only had to focus on CP3 (Clinical Phase 3 aka Finals). We'll make it through iA.

I remembered that I once said to Syakir that it would be an irony if I could survive May with 7 exams but failed to even pass one exam in November. Alhamdulillah, that didn't happen.

Guess what? I no longer have the status as a medical student with credit fails. And I like it when my mum said that I'm just like everyone else. It feels great! Now I know how it feels like to be like Hosni, Iman and Madihah. Best giler! 

Look at this screenshot..



It now looks like this..


I'm on cloud 9!

And to those who have never failed anything, this is how the letter looks like

I really don't like it that they used the word "penalty" to refer to credit fails. Ingat ni bola ke apa?!

Alhamdulillah, I was not suspended, my elective period remains fully intact and I have no more credit fails. Elective attachments are sorted. I'm going to do mine in DEMC Specialist Hospital in Shah Alam and UKM Medical Centre in Cheras. Coolness.

Oh yeah, when I called my mum yesterday, I had a flashback to the day when I called to tell her that I failed my exams. It was such a sad day. But yesterday was one of the best days of medical school. My mum was so happy and so was my dad when I told him the great news.

And today, I had a celebration lunch with Syakir because we became survivors :D And tomorrow, I'm going to do some ice-skating with Akhtar Muzhaffar, Zulhilmi Azmi and Syafiq Razib.

Thanks again to everyone! Thank you so much!! Alhamdulillah 'ala kulli hal :)

The final silver lining of 4th Year. Perfect ending.

After one long year, I survived my failures. It was a really, really, really long year but I'm grateful and so relieved that it's over now.

Ok Wafi, let's work hard for Finals. And don't doubt yourself too often. Allah keeps on showing you that He will always be there...

Wednesday, January 01, 2014

make you feel my love

Hello readers,

I want to show you something. It's a screenshot of the form which I have filled in for my elective placements in Malaysia.


You see, I really like doing things which would make people be intrigued about Islam. With this form I filled in, I hope the lady who reads it would actually Google the words which I have used and would then understand what they mean. 

I've done other things as well. During our graduation in December 2012, I prayed at the pavement near the hall where the ceremony was held. I know a lot of people (my colleagues from my year) were walking around and I hope that by observing me, they would at least be curious & try to find out more about Islam. It's the same when I was in Lincoln in November. The only place to pray at the hospital was in the chapel. And I saw a corner where there is a glass window which would allow other people from various floors of the hospital to see me. So yeah, obviously I prayed there in hoping that someone would see me and who knows, Allah might open that person's heart to Islam one day. You never know.

I know, there are many more efficient ways of spreading Islam. But I choose to do these simple things as well. Because they're easy and they might be insignificant..but if I can touch a person's heart through these minuscule actions, that would mean so much.

Try it yourself. I know it's hard and sometimes you just don't feel comfortable but you get used to it once you make it a habit. I'm still practising myself, huhu.

To show them the beauty of Islam; to make them feel the love towards the Almighty...

revolutionists