hitohira no hanabira

- a single flower petal fluttered down beside me -

photo by kaoni701

I have completed my IB journey...

Just want to remind you all that we shouldn't be so solemn and always enjoy the present to its fullest. After all...

"Flowers in full bloom do not last forever"
words of the Principal from the hit Japanese drama,
Hanazakari no Kimitachi e (Hana Kimi) / 花ざかりの君たちへ

• “mencari seorang teman seperjuangan bagaikan mencari sebiji benih pokok dalam semak yang berduri..bersedialah untuk dilukai, jangan mengalah untuk terus mencari..andai sudah kau temui, sayangilah ia dengan sepenuh hati semoga ukhwah itu akan kekal abadi..”

• "Usah ditangisi perpisahan ini, jika ada rezeki pasti kita akan dipertemukan nanti..jika tiada rezeki, semoga Allah kurniakan sahabat yang lebih baik dan lebih kekal..jika tiada rezeki juga, semoga kita dipertemukan di syurga nanti..=)"

• “Tiada nikmat terbesar selain nikmat iman dan islam yang ada pada orang mukmin melainkan teman-teman yang soleh. Apabila kamu merasai kewujudan kasih sayang yang ada padanya, maka genggamlah ia dengan seerat-eratnya…”

Source: Hakikat Kehidupan Untuk Terus Hidup

And I have so many memories at KMB. Soooooo many...

photo by Zulhilmi (Wan Chong), inspired by Farid
I don't care what you say about this picture :P

Here are some of the conversations or dialogues from KMB. It's interesting, really. Try finding yours if you can.

(It doesn't really mean these people always say these stuff, it's basically everything that I ever heard of either frequently or occasionally or even once)

Teachers

Malay
Cikgu Hasni: "Ingat selalu, sastera tak rigid"

English
Ms Oja: "I would say someone like Adlan is witty"
Me: "What's witty?" (while looking at Nina trying to get an answer)

Ms Nora: "Adlan, if you talk fast like that, no one's able to catch what you're trying to say" (after my Eng Oral)

Mathematics
Ms Kamariah: "You looked familiar...You reminded me of someone..." (during the first semester and the first consultation)

Economics
Ms Diana: "Walaupun jawapan Adlan tu merepek, tapi sebenarnya betul" (during the topic of Unemployment)

Ms Azizah: "You always say government should do this, government should do that, actually, YOU should do this and that" (her response towards our essay answers)

Biology
Ms Iliani: "Adlan, what is the meaning of degenerate? (on the topic of Proteins Semester 2)"
Me: "Urm, (while thinking for a dictionary term) it means destroyed, terhapus..."
Ms Iliani: "That's why you cannot get 7 for Bio."

Chemistry
Sir Fadzlanor: "Adlan, awak suka Chem tak?"

Ms Fauziah: "Let's party! Party! Party!" (after Chem Paper 3)

Pengajian Agama Islam
Ustaz Shiham: "Wi-fi, awak duduk mana?"
Me: "Erm...Seksyen 6, Shah Alam"
Ustaz Shiham: "Oh, kat situ ada jual pisang goreng sedap"

Theory of Knowledge
Ms Tik: "Adlan, what would you do if a woman comes to you for abortion?"
Me: "I'll show her the video tape (the video which shows the cruelty of abortion)"
Ms Tik: "That's a safe answer"

Me: "Have you made up your mind?"
Ms Yatie: "Yup.. You got what you wished for..(on her response of my group's TOK presentation marks)"

Extended Essay
Ms Rosmaria: "Yuhuu....plans never really work. Spontaneous action normally does, but too risky"

MPP
Ms Badriyah: "I always remember you everytime I make that sandwich filling"

M07J

Akmal: "Kau kenal tak siapa fernando torres?"

Che: "Kalau kau tak dapat interview ni, aku bog*l"

Syahir: "Aku tak nak ikut kau tadi sebab takut kau tinggalkan aku sorang2"

Nina: "Adlan, are you okay?"

Farhana: "Adlan, jangan pergi Nottingham tau"

Afifah: "Teruskan your happy-go-lucky nature"

Huda: "...isk..kena telur (on her birthday with Rima)"

Cto Topek Farid: "Relax Adlan, I know you can do it... (he actually wrote it on a piece of paper and I put it on my locker till the very end of IB)"

Azizi: "...." (dia tak cakap apa2 sebab dia tak reply message...just kidding) "Thank u lan. Kira aku selalu message kau la kan"

Adib: "Adlan, jom main bola petang ni"

Rima: "Doakan dapat ketenangan ek"

Ina (Amal O): "Sinisme gila (dengan sebutan baku ~ on her response towards my sarcasm)"

Akiey: "Siapa nak join Love Symphony, tulis nama kat sini ye"

Ain: "Tahniah jadi classmate 1st yang bagi duit raya."

Mun: "I know you can do it!"

Al-Hafiz: "Kitorang ada belikan roti untuk kau (on the day when I didn't go to Alamanda with my classmates because I have UKCAT and I found out there was also someone from the other class who didn't go =); roti je? beli la ayam ke...hehe)"

Hazwan: "Sushi, buat apa petang tadi?"

Arif: "Kau cerita pasal aku ye kat blog kau?"

Munee: "Haiwan apa yang paling besar kat dunia ni?"

Yati: "Adlan makan banyak"

Zizie (Hazirah): "Umur makin naik, tujuan hidup jangan lari dari landasan Allah ye"

Amal M (classmate dari MRSM TGB): "Amal tengah ada kat Dewan ni, dengar briefing (on the very first day of my life at Kolej MARA Banting ~ I found out that she's also in KMB on that very day)"

And the rest of the KMBians whose names will not be written...hehehe...

"Dah tdo?"

"What? A nice hot girl. You're the best wafer in town."

"kur kur"

"I don't usually treat people unless they've done something to me"

"If rindu aku, contact no ni keh ^_~"

"Nice video. Buat panjang lagi."

"Adlan, camne nak deposit cek?"

"Ambikkan sekali beg MABECS tu"
(ketika menyeludup beg MABECS dengan BANYAK sekali waktu exhibition kat KMB)

"Maybe you're not that interesting to be talked about"

"Aku tak tangkap gambar dengan Adlan lagi"

"Adlan, thanks for the wristlets!"

"Bergonjeng"

"I tengok video Sehati Serumpun berjuta kali dah. Tu je nak cakap"

"IB Coordinator pergi Alamanda"
(on her response of why the PIN is still not available for Econs students)

"Malam ni aku pakai seluar licin sikit la"
(But Kumpulan 3 still managed to be Johan Peringkat Negara during BTN ~ Jalur Gemilang)

"The video was awesome!"

"Nak ambik specialist apa?"
(it was her favourite question during BTN)

"Boleh tak aku pinjam raket squash untuk weekends ni?"

"Apa makanan kegemaran?"
(another favourite question)

"Kenapa tunggu? Sweetnye..."
(At KTM Subang)

"Zas!"
(from the word disaster)

"Adlan, kau siap semua tak Maths tadi?"
(right after Math Paper 2 - tak dapat la... O_o)

"Hye Adlan!"

"Aku kalau picit mata aku, kurang sikit rabun die"

"Aku nak magnet warna hijau"
(dia tinggal kat Melaka)

"Lepas ni tak leh la jumpa kau lagi"
(padahal rumah dia kat Subang)

"U belong to a piece of my memory"

"Thanks for being my friend. You really inspired me"

"Asal nak main tennis tiba-tiba?"
(during the study leave before IB Exam 2009)

"Baju kau semua Up2"

"Koyak dowh.."

"Aku dah lama tak nampak kau"

"ok now..leaves us with econ, malay, english..lyke pffftt..! confirm2 la ko dpt 7"
(during my downfall in the 2nd semester exam, ceh...)

"It was STILL a surprise to me coz I didn't think you know my birthday"
(and she shared the chocolates with her classmates & teachers =) )

"Semoga ISAC akan lebih mantap pada masa akan datang"

"Risiko!" or "RISK!"

"Adlan, how's your EE?"
(He got an A)

"Kau pernah dengar kan yang manusia pun ada rythmical behaviour"

"Tadi accident ye?"
(on the day when I had my first accident - the bus which carry the HTAR students hit a lorry; it was minor of course...this guy actually called me when I got back to KMB)

"Adlan balik tak minggu ni?"

"Assabiyah la ko"

"Laptop aku rosak weh. Aku kena type balik semua EE"

"2012 nanti pun 3 kali Friday the 13th dalam setahun"

"Alain Delon"

"Saya memang suka makan chocolate tak suka makan sayur"

"Wat pancake jer...tapi...tak jadi2 at first"

"Best tak jalan tepi raja?"

"At least tak bagi muka blur kan??"
(during IUMC result)

"Adlan, aku tanya betul2, kau nak kahwin ke tak?"

"Adlan Wafi dah rindu kat aku"

"Kita jiran dengan dia. Abang kite selalu la main dengan dia"
(on the trip to MRSM TGB)

"Adlan Wafi!"

"Kalau dah berjaya, jangan lupa aku"

"Hai, lan! Bye, lan!"

"Ya Allah, Adlan. Malu weh aku."

"Aku ada donut Big Apple untuk kau"

"Kalau Adlan masukkan virus dalam laptop aku pon, aku bagi"

"Adlan balik tak minggu ni?"

"Kat Terendak dulu pun banyak hantu"

"Saya pon suka tengok Bleach sebab dia lain dari yang lain"

"Siapa tengok Fullmetal Alchemist?"

"I want to start eating potatoes; to get ready before going overseas"

"Wei, apasal tak balik lagi?"
(on the last day at KMB, you can guess that this person is a Business student - they all think alike)

"Haih..main surprise2 pulak dia ni"
(when she got the Secret Recipe cake)

"Adlan kat rumah selalu makan pizza la ni?"
(and I replied by saying I eat tempoyak and belacan)

"Byebye Guantanamo"
(last day for the Business students)

"Alamanda? We're on the same bus"
(the day when I go out for the last time with my classmates)

"Terkejut gila aku kalau password laptop dia nama aku"
(the attempt failed)

"Adlan, bawak Risk tau!"
(tapi dia tak main pon)

"Haha. Sangat lawak"
(on her response of why I called her phone on the last day of IB Exam)

"Bos!"
(dan akhirnya, dia panggil nama aku =) )

"Aku tak tau. Nak jumpa Puan Sharifah lepas IB nanti"
(on his response about his placement)

"ADLAN!"
(while waving his hands at me)

"Makan vitamin A"
(on his response of why he has light skin)

"I'm so happy for us"
(on the day I found out about Nottingham)

"Adlan, aku takut Maths"
(1 week before IB Exam 2009)

"Thanks sebab selalu bagi hadiah kat aku"
(padahal baru bagi satu je)

"Budak Jasin pon tengok Bleach!"

"Nanti kalau Adlan nak kahwin, boleh tempah nasi minyak kat..."

"Kau pernah makan dengan aku tak kat DS?"

"Budak bisnes je boleh ambik (hard disk)"
(when Business was the only paper left)

"Takutla dengan budak Kelas J. Asyik jumpa korang je"
(during the anonymous letter season)

"Sangat best!"
(her response on the day when Ms Iliani didn't teach in class and instead, open up a poll to vote for Bio option topics E or F; the day when I messaged half the class of M07B...haha)

"Shut up!!!"
(to express the feeling of surprise)

"Siapa fitry mahayuddin?"

"Thanks tau sebab jadi kawan aku"

"Aku tak tau kenapa, tapi aku selalu senyum waktu exam, joging pun senyum sorang2"

"Muka dia bujur...sama macam tuan dia"
(during mural painting)

"Adlan, nak muffin kau"

"Hot gile Adlan ni. Jelez kita"

"Adlan, kau nampak relax je"
(during the first week of IB exam)

"Is Manchester your first choice?"

"Fine, fine"
(and dia bayar hutang :P)

"Adlan tau tak mana2 hotel kat Shah Alam?"

"Aku suka raket tennis kau"
(and probably the reason why he always borrows it)

"Aku nak pinjam tie hijau kau esok, boleh?"
(during the interview season)

"Kau nak nasi lemak tak?"

"Adlan ni kalau bagi kerja mesti siap, perfectionist la"
(Wow! Betol! - this is a response from someone who has a sixth sense)

"Apa maksud Adlan?"

"Apa maksud Wafi?"

"Donut ni untuk orang2 special je"
(right before the IB exam)

"ifawnalda4!"

"Urm, depends on siapa la budak2 lelaki tu"
(on her response of whether she would go out alone will all her male classmates)

"If you're around JB, sms la"
(during CAS at Hospital Permai)

"Adlan!"
(waving to me from the top floor at the academic block along with 3 other friends, budak Langkawi)

"Dia tak reply langsung sms yang orang hantar"
(on the day of Nottingham results)

"Adlan Wafi yang comel"

"Where did you get that Harvard t-shirt?"

"Hebat siyal"

"Kadang2 kita boleh nampak orang tu banyak baca surat khabar bila baca essei Malay diorang"
(while we're on the flight back to Malaysia)

"Kau memang hensem"
(tengah bodek)

"Daging arnab liat sikat"
(when we talked about Sate Kajang)

"Saya tak pernah nampak awak tak senyum. Senyum mesti sampai kat telinga"

"Best tak?"
(she was asking about the Olympiad Chemistry camp which I've gone to during Semester 2 break)

"Adlan interview hari ni kan? Good luck!"

"Dah lama gile aku tak tengok Grey's Anatomy"

"Susah la kalau semua benda nak sama"
(on his response of why we like and hate different contestants of The Amazing Race)

"Oh, that's my father's name!"
(during the tea party, orientation week)

"Assalamualaikum, dah solat Asar?"

"Pergi terbang kat Adlan tu"
(It was the windiest day ever in KMB)

"Can I put your blog url in my references?"
(EE)

"Aku tak sebut nama dia, kau yang sebut"

"Smile always"

"Nanti kirim salam kat gagak hitam ye"
(CAS Permai)

"Jadi counsellor malam ni je ke?"
(during the night when I open up a temporary counselling service on YM)

"Adlan, nak kerepek"
(Kerepek Letop Terbaik!)

"Terima kasih banyak2 sebab banyak tolong aku selama ni...terutama exam"

"My results for this sem is bad"

"I will be your avid reader"

Well, I'm too tired already from recalling and typing. See, who says I don't remember what you said?

Am I glad it's all over?
Yeah, definitely.

Do I feel sad?
Sincerely, I do actually.

Am I happy?
Yup!

Do I feel empty?
I'm not a business student, so no :P

It's been one heck of a ride in KMB and I thank Allah for that...

so small

I was inspired to write this story on the day when I received a rejection letter (a change in course from Medicine to Biological Sciences is still a rejection :P) from the University of Edinburgh on 21st March 2009...

photo by blue fin art

It was Saturday. The radiant rays of the sun showered the gardens surrounding the house of the Linzes. It was spring in Edinburgh and Adam Linz woke up to a glorious new day. Rejuvenated and lively, his mind was already occupied with a list of things to do - it is always good to have dreams and aspirations early in the morning; something to kickstart a whole new day. Suddenly, he realized he had something urgent to do and off he went to the hospital.

Lying on his bed, draped in white blanket, surrounded by his family members was Zac; nervously waiting for his surgery.

"Sorry for the late arrival," said Adam.

"That's ok, it's not time yet. Thanks for coming."

Adam was so glad he made it in time. He was so thankful that he did not miss Zac before the surgery. As Zac was taken into the operating room, Adam wished him all the best.

He really cared about Zac. They have known each other for years already and nothing could separate these two best friends. As Adam left the ward, glimpses of the past began emerging in his head.

It was PE (Physical Education) period and they were heading to the swimming pool. Mr Aaron was going to give swimming lessons to his class. Somehow, Zac was not fond of the idea. Adam sensed that his friend appeared uncomfortable and decided to confront him.

"Hey Zac, you're ok?"

Initially, Zac didn't want to confide his secret with Adam. He preferred to keep things to himself. He never intended to share his enigma with anyone.

Nevertheless, Zac's trust towards Adam was so strong; he believed that he can count on him. Without a moment's hesitation, he grabbed Adam's hand and put it on his chest right where the heart is.

Adam startled. He could feel like there seemed to be a hole - there was a hollow.

Pectus excavatum. The congenital deformity had been a part of Zac's life since he was born. It was not life-threatening. His health was unaffected regardless of the hollow in his chest. However, it would be undoubtedly difficult for someone to bear with the deformity. All of the questions that arose before were answered - Why Zac did not want to join the swimming club? Why Zac never liked the sea?

Zac's low self-esteem made him shut himself out from enjoying his life.

A tear trickled down Zac's cheek.

"Don't worry. I'll be with you all the way," Adam comforted.

But Zac could hardly utter a word. And Adam just wrapped his arms around his dear friend hoping that he would calm down.

They eventually joined their classmates in the pool and of course, the inevitable happened. People started teasing Zac and called him names: Hollow, Chest-hole and much more than you can imagine. It was unbearable. God knows what Zac was feeling at the moment but he was not paying any attention to the ruthless individuals.

Adam approached Zac but thankfully, he was still smiling; swimming in the crystal clear water without showing any signs of being irritated by the harsh words thrown at him. Adam was simply glad for his friend.

They say good news travels fast. Unfortunately, bad news travels faster. By next week, almost everyone in high school knew about Zac's deformity. Some were being understanding and gave him support but most were showing much negative attitude towards the innocent teenager.

But Zac could not take it anymore. People were torturing him emotionally. Adam's words of solace barely help in relieving his friend. Zac was in a state of turmoil. He was deeply frustrated and discontented. And all Adam could do was sincerely to be there for his friend.

"Hey Zac, calm down," said Adam.

"Sometimes, I wish you could just leave me alone. You don't even know how it feels like to have a hollow in your chest," said Zac while walking away from Adam. Zac was engulfed by rage and bitterness. Even so, he knew deep down inside he truly appreciates everything that Adam did for him. Who else could he depend on if it is not on his own dear friend?

Adam could not agree more. You just would not know how it feels like until you are in that person's shoes. Despite what Zac said, Adam remained loyal to his friend. Adam comprehended the fact that he needs to be more sensitive.

Several months passed and somehow, Zac suffered several episodes of breathing difficulty. He had also been complaining about having occasional neck and shoulder muscle pain. Zac knew that it was the time to make an appointment with a specialist.

The pulmonologist confirmed that Zac had a lower lung capacity than an average teenager of his age. Zac's eyes lit up. He would undergo a surgery and he would no longer have the deformity.

Several years after the surgery passed and Zac was enjoying his life as a normal young man. That was all he had ever wanted. To have a feeling of acceptance and belonging among his friends. Now, he could try everything without any sense of inferiority.

And Adam, as any friend would, was so happy for his best friend. And forever in his heart will he remember the very words which Zac told him right after the surgery went successfully.

"You know Adam, nothing that I feel today could ever be meaningful if it wasn't for you, my friends and family."

"Thinking about all the hindrances that I faced in the past, I knew they were not really important. Love is what has carried me up till this day. What is a hollow in my chest compared to the people that I care in life? And when I keep pondering these thoughts in my head it surely makes everything - the deformity, the obstructions that I've encountered and everything that made me feel inferior seem so insignificant...seem so small..."

What you got if you ain't got love
The kind that you just wanna give away
It's okay to open up
Go ahead and let the light shine through

I know it's hard on a rainy day
You wanna shut the world out
And just be left alone
But don't run out on your faith

Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
Is just a grain of sand
And what you've been out there searching for forever
Is in your hands

And when you figure out
Love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
Seem so small

-Carrie Underwood-

Sometimes, we kept wasting our time and energy by dwelling on the many minor irritations of life; instead, focus on the things which are truly vital - things which make life meaningful. And when you've figured that out, that's when everything would seem so small...

disturbia

And so I went jogging yesterday early in the morning and the whole time, I just could not take my mind off the interview that I had several days ago.

When I got back to my room, I got several messages on my phone:

"Adlan, Nottingham dah keluar."

Firstly, if there was such an award, the University of Nottingham would easily win the university with the Most Anticipated Interview as the period between the time when the interview invitations were released and the interview session was so long; it extended to almost two months. After several weeks of waiting, I've finally managed to successfully go to all my interviews (with the same attire successively =P).

However, there were several hindrances that I've encountered before that day arrives. It's more like a dilemma. Some of my friends were advising me of not going to this interview as some applicants are currently not holding any conditional offers. At that point, I was actually facing with one of the most difficult decisions that I have to make in life. Should I abandon my dream? Should I give opportunity to those who are still waiting? In the end, I just keep telling myself that there is a possibility for all of us to get the offers. I mean, it's not impossible.

And so I asked my friends to send this message to these people:

"See you in Nottingham"

But after attending the interview, I doubt that getting the offer would be easy...for me that is...

The third. The last.

photo by Bellerus

24th March 09
The University of Nottingham, Chulan Tower
Nottingham

Truthfully, Nottingham interview really made me nervous. I guess the last interview that I had was in the month of January, so somehow, I might have lost my touch.

And for the last time, here are my questions:

1. Why doctor? (This question never loses its popularity)
2. Why doctor instead of other healthcare professions? (And it started to become hard)
3. Why not a pharmacist? (And it got harder)
4. Doctors have to work in a team. How do you find that different than other healthcare professions? (And even harder)

Okay, so you might say to yourself that these questions are not hard. I guess my definition of hard here is that I have difficulty in making my answers unique and interesting.

5. So, why Nottingham?

This is the question which I really looked forward to answering. And I talked a lot about it. And the interviewers didn't ask more about Nottingham which made me feel slightly demotivated. I was hoping that this question would be the one which can really make me stand out. It played a minor role...probably =(

And then, I realized that there was a question which I answered passionately. I told the interviewers about the two degrees which can be obtained in Nottingham the other one being the Bachelor of Medical Sciences degree.

6. Students will undergo an independent research project in the 3rd year which would lead to the attainment of the BMedSci degree. What do you think is the benefit of doing a research project independently?

And I told them about my EE. I chose English for my EE as it is my favourite subject (and also the only subject that I managed to score a hat trick) and it was definitely interesting to learn about linguistics despite the fact that it may not have anything to do with medicine. And I felt much better when I remembered I've said this to them...;)

Then, we move on to the part which made me feel a bit better (please note that I used "a bit" in the sentence).

7. You've taken part in several community service. Would you like to tell us more about that?

I got some hope and I told them about all of these:
A. Sehati Serumpun, Cambodia. They were interested to hear about my journey there.
B. Permai Hospital. I got to tell them about meeting mentally-challenged individuals.
C. Rumah Aman. I talked about the kids at the orphanage and the trip to Aquaria KLCC.

8. IB can be very stressful. So, how do you cope with that? (I strongly believe this question is gaining its popularity)

I talked about jogging with my mp3 player and also Frisbee. Somehow, they were intrigued to hear about Frisbee. Basically, it's almost everything that I wrote in clocks.

And finally, the time came for me to ask them if I have any questions. And I asked the question which I think is really neutral and doesn't sound desperate at all despite the opinions of many...

Adlan: May I know when the result will be out? (See, it's not THAT desperate. After all, I asked this same question for all my interviews. It's really safe.)

And I asked a question which made me feel bad for the rest of the day and hence, the reason why the title of this post is as stated and the reason why I'm not really in the mood.

Adlan: Did you have fun? (Awkward) in Malaysia? (Much more awkward)

Wafi : Shut up Adlan! Shut up! (My inner monologue)

Honestly, I was absolutely upset for asking that question. I should have just kept quiet. In a nutshell, I have to say the interview was awkward and depressing. I didn't have the capacity to use my creativity in answering the questions this time around.

One of the problems in this interview is that I kept using the same words repetitively. I just noticed that this is the problem that I faced in all three interviews. I guess that's why I didn't score high for my Speaking in IELTS.

In both of my previous interviews, I do have the feeling that I'm going to get the offer. But now, I just don't seem to have that much confidence in me. Quite frustrating though, I really hope I get it.

I think I need to remind myself of something much more important than interviews.

"...Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest."

"...Ingatlah, hanya dengan mengingati Allah hati menjadi tenteram."

(Ar-Ra'd (13): 28)

And I would like to thank all my moral boosters. You made me feel better in so many ways...

clocks

CAS - Creativity, Action, Service. When I first heard that I've to get 180 hours during my 2 year period of IB programme, I was definitely appalled by the number. 1 week's not even enough to reach that amount.

"Time is free, but it's priceless
You can't own it, but you can use it
You can't keep it, but you can spend it
Once you've lost it, you can never get it back"
Harvey MacKay

I think Harvey MacKay should add another line, "If you do CAS, you can collect it"...

CAS was simply interesting. Most of the activities that I joined were quite new to me.

Paintball! (We became a group for one time only :P)

Playing paintball in KMB was actually my first and so far, the only time. I guess life was hectic (I actually ditched one paintball tournament so that I could go to Manchester University briefing - now, I believe I made the right choice, hehe). Well, other than paintball, I am an Ultimate Frisbee player (though I don't play it nowadays). It was one of the best sports that I ever played (though I don't have any pictures for it). I really felt like a team player. As I see much better players in the game that I play, that's when I say, ok, let's look for a new one. I can really get intimidated sometimes. Yet, you'd probably be surprised to find out about the games that I used to play for the last 10 years. Let's just say, I change sports frequently.

KMBians at MRSM TGB

What better way to do CAS than to go back to your old school? I I even did CAS twice here - one with TGBians and one with M07J. It was quite invigorating, to reminisce the unforgettable moments when I was a member of the 05/06 batch. Very nostalgic.

Let's go to the Zoo!

Feeding the giant turtle with fries

I had fun and gone here twice too! Painting the rusty bars, cleaning the reptile house and came into close contact with a beautiful snake. Sort of a wild experience.

Permai...

Some structures that we built

The group photo on the final day

Hospital Permai was more of an eye opener for me. It was simply a new experience for me to be around mentally-challenged individuals. I salute the staffs for their best efforts to care for these patients. I'd recommend this CAS trip to anyone who wishes to venture into the medical world.

The kids of Rumah Aman with the KMBians during our trip to Aquaria KLCC

Rumah Aman is full of cute, ecstatic and wonderful kids. What's more is that, Rumah Aman was actually my old kindergaten (previously named as Tadika Kristal).It was the earliest CAS that I participated. Though it's been a long time since I met them, I have to say I can vividly remember their innocent faces.

HTAR

Future doctors, insya-Allah

The finished mural

HTAR. Probably one of the most popular CAS activities, it serves its purpose as an image of my future life. The times that were spent to talk to patients and help the staffs with their workloads had somehow given me an insight of what being a doctor is all about. Nevertheless, I also managed to get to know more about my ex-next door neighbour, M07K.

Looking back at all my CAS reports, I felt grateful to be able to reach the end of my CAS journey. Each of the CAS activities or projects that I joined somehow had made me better. This includes the Sehati Serumpun project in Cambodia. Do read anyway.

Strive always...

Now that my CAS file had been submitted, all I need to do now is to focus on the IB May 09 Exam. Even so, it's not as calm as it seems. It's IB KMB after all, what do you expect? The clock's ticking...

don't speak

You don't really think I'm going to leave my blog without being updated for one whole month. After all, I am now free ~

I have this friend which I was close to in the early semesters in KMB, but nowadays, I realized that we rarely talked. Plus, whenever we meet, we only make eye contact. Yes, eye contact! I had to be the one to do the talking - the one to greet the other for numerous times continuously until I got tired...which was today. It's funny though. IB has not even ended yet and we're not talking to each other already. Don't get me wrong; we're not arguing or having internal conflicts. It's just that...I don't know; as time passes by, we simply stopped having conversations. Peculiar, I know. To the person being featured on my blog - just a simple greeting like giving salam is enough. We don't need to have long hours of chit chat. Simple short ones will do. And to all my friends - I really hope that this would not happen to anyone of you. It would be sad; really.

Speaking of speaking, I just found out about this:

Terlajak perahu boleh berundur
Terlajak kata buruk padahnya

Well, it might be old hat to you; nevertheless, how many of us are aware of the fact that we can actually hurt others through words?

Imam Ghazali pernah bertanya:

Apakah yang paling tajam di dunia ini?

Lidah manusia

Words can do so much damage to our lives. At times, there is this strange tendency for us to just blurt out whatever we have in our minds. Once we realized that we've said something wrong, that's when we wished we never said anything. And the guilt, it will devour you and make you feel bad for hours, days, weeks, months or even years.

And even that, don't you think that people like to talk bad stuff about others? It's almost like a culture in certain community (check out gossip)

Well, speak only when we have to and control what we want to say. Don't babble everything in your mind (unless you have a blog of course). Essentially, think before you throw...words that is...

a thousand miles

I have this feeling inside of me. It's green. It's envy.

I envy those who have their friends since they were in kindergarten and they're still together.

I envy those who have their friends since high school and they're flying off to the same country.

I envy those who have their friends going to the same university.

It's envy. Green with envy.

I found myself thinking about this most of the time. Throughout my life, it seems like I have to restart all over again. I made new friends and I found myself leaving them when I have to go to another place. When I moved to Penang, when I moved back to Shah Alam, when I go to MRSM TGB, when I enroll in KMB and it will happen once again when I fly to UK, insya-Allah.

It's undeniable that I actually have this crazy thought of persuading my friends who'll be flying off to other countries to actually apply to UK; especially when I found out they can still apply through UCAS Clearing. A much crazier idea was to actuate my friends who are applying to universities other than mine to opt for Clearing and what's more demented is that I even consider myself to enter Clearing just so that I have a chance to go the same university as my friends.

Okay, so I can't actually do any of these. I'm still rational and these plans are not even realistic. I guess I just have to let them go. And it's indubitably that I'm going to miss them...

"Ukhwah itu indah bila bertemu dan berpisah kerana Allah"

The second.

photo by petecarr

19th January 09
KLCC
Liverpool

So the second interview didn't really intimidate me as much as the first. I did get a good sleep last night.

And so my mum and I went to KLCC and we really didn't know where Traders Hotel was; so we walked around the Ground floor to find the information centre and as we approached the glass windows where you can see the lovely park, there it was - Traders Hotel; located directly across the park.

So, I had a stroll around the KLCC park with my mum and I kind of enjoyed it cause it's been a long time since we went for a walk. How cool is that - Going for a walk in the park with your mum before facing a crucial medical interview?

Traders Hotel is definitely a place of high class. No wonder most UK universities held their interviews here. And here are my questions:

1. What has really made you want to do medicine? (I got the No. 1 question once again)
2. So, tell us, why Liverpool? (I did prepare for this question - PBL, city, multicultural and one answer which I can't believe I blurted it out "I want to experience the nightlife there" - Hahaha, yeah right)

And Liverpool actually had large proportion of their questions based on my personal statement.

3. In your PS, you stated that you had participated in several hospital attachments. Tell us about that.
4. You also mentioned that you went to Cambodia and you really like the children. How does that help you in becoming a doctor?
5. You also suffered bronchopneumonia which means you were a patient. So that must have given you a different perspective towards this profession.
6. You mentioned team spirit is vital. Please describe how teamwork is really important as a doctor.

Honestly, I was smiling everytime I hear bits of my PS being mentioned throughout interview. It's like - Yes! Finally! Something in the PS!

There were also some questions which I had to use my classmates as examples. Hehe.

7. Please describe any conflicts that you have faced in a team.
8. Do you prefer to be a leader or a follower?
9. Please describe any events during your exposure in the medical world which involves ethical arguments. (This is the hardest for me)

For Question 9, initially, I said "No, there aren't any" but the interviewer repeated the question and I knew I had to think of something quick. All in all, I managed to answer their questions and the interview took less than 15 minutes. And I have to say it was OK.

This time, I smiled enough and my eye contact was more controlled. Another problem though - my throat was dry. I guess the temperature was too cold. Maybe I should drink some water during the interview.

I realized something throughout my interviews. At times, I couldn't really hear every word uttered by the interviewers. Then I remembered my Eng Oral; Ms Nora once said that "Adlan, if you're talking fast like that, no one can get what you're trying to say". Well, if the interviewers talked fast too and I couldn't hear what they're trying to say, so that must mean they can hear what I say. Right? Because they talk faster than me. Never mind that.

Here's a tip for fellow readers, don't ever say "Can you please repeat the question?". Surely, the interviewers would be smiling and they would kindly repeat the question. But in their minds - "What the heck?", "You expect me to repeat the question which took me 5 minutes to ask you?" and "Repeat? Seriously, who's interviewing who?".

Instead, say "I beg your pardon, can you please clarify the question?" or look for the word "clarify" in the thesaurus and use it in the above sentence.

Choosing UK was quite a challenge for me. It wasn't a personal decision. I'm actually separating myself from my friends that'll be going to other countries. But when I have to make the final choice for my university, it's going to be personal; definitely...

the way i are

It's interview season in KMB and I couldn't help but feel nervous most of the times. (My fingernails even turned purple whenever I thought about the medical interviews).

Waiting for the day of the first interview is like waiting for the first visit to the dentist, first time taking an exam or waiting for the UPSR, PMR, or SPM result. It's nerve-racking!

The first.

photo by amchu

14th January 09
KMB
Manchester

Manchester interview was quite fun I think. It has two parts - the first consisted of general questions and the second one was more of a discussion on a medical issue. These are some of the questions that I was asked during my interview. (They're not exact questions though, it's not like I brought a tape recorder into the room)

First part,

1. Why medicine? (Most popular question for any interviews; though some didn't get this question)
2. What have you learnt from the attachments that you participated?
3. Have the attachments helped in giving you a deeper insight in the medical profession?
4. How can you cope with the course of medicine in Manchester?
5. How do you deal with stress? (Manchester loves this question)

The 1st part was mostly personal. I didn't think I answered it as well as I thought I would be. But, I think it was quite good. Now, we move on to the 2nd part, the more interesting one.

Second part,

1. The usage of drugs in sports can actually help in boosting an athlete's performance. Is this inexcusable?

During this question, my mind was like thinking critically hard and the interviewer actually asked whether or not I understand the word "inexcusable". I just said yes though actually, I couldn't even think what it means. (Hey, I was really nervous at that time, timorous even)

And so I said, if the drugs are helpful, why not? In other words, I'm actually supporting the usage of drugs in sports. And the attacking begins...

2. So you're saying, "Let's give drugs to all the athletes"?
3. Don't you think it's unfair?
4. Drugs can be potentially dangerous. Are you still saying that drugs should be allowed?

Honestly, I didn't really hear the first question for this part and I just agreed on that matter - to use drugs in sports. When I heard the second question, I knew it, I had given the wrong answer - nope, there's no right or wrong answer - it's just that I've given the answer which I don't intend to.

I would really like to take back my words and go against the usage of drugs but that would somehow show that I'm not firm in making decisions. And so I said the athletes can judge themselves whether or not they can win by using drugs or without drugs. And they're still attacking. And I kept defending my stand.

5. Do you think the athletes would care if they win by using drugs? A gold medal is still a gold medal.

And there're more questions but somehow I managed to answer all of them. Most of my answers are like - the public should know which athletes use drugs, doctor's consent, recommended amount and etc.

I noticed two problems during my interview - my eye contact and the smiling part. I sometimes looked at the air conditioner but I managed to look back at my interviewers' eyes. And although I smile continuously, I didn't think I smile that much in the interview. Anyway, I had a great time BUT that doesn't mean I'm confident in getting the offer but I do hope so.

The interviewers were really nice and they're the ones who smiled all the time. We do laugh occasionally but the problem is, I didn't know whether they're laughing at me or the jokes that were made. The interviewers kept saying that my answers were "interesting", I hope that's good. All in all, I would say it was OK.

I just realized something. It took about 15-20 minutes only to make a good impression to the interviewers - to show who you really are. It's freaky somehow. On the contrary, the interview in the hereafter is based on our whole life. Now that's something worth to think about...

waiting on the world to change

As I was walking along the route from Bukit Nanas to Dang Wangi to transfer from Monorail to RapidKL, I couldn't help noticing a very interesting sight which I'd gladly take a picture of it and put it on my blog. Unfortunately, I didn't bring along my digicam and my handphone is incapable of capturing photos with decent quality. (Really need to change my handphone once IB is over). Nonetheless, if you were there, you may want to do the same. It was a pathetic sight. Rubbish decorated the steps and escalators of the overhead bridge along the route. And the stench, I'll just leave that to your imagination. The question is - When will Malaysians change their mentality?


I wonder why John Mayer keeps waiting on the world to change. Perhaps, some things in this world are beyond our reach. We might just have to wait.

But still, we could not just sit and do nothing.

"...surely, Allah does not change a people's lot unless they change what is in their hearts..."
(Ar-Ra'd (13): 11)

Well, you might've heard of the saying like the only constant thing in the world is change. Thus, why do we have to keep waiting? We could miss the boat. And once that happened, it could all be too late. Change while we can.

And so I changed my English EE from literature to language near the end of last year and I'm going to change my TOK essay topic during this weekend. But hey, I could be taking risks here. I certainly do not know the outcome of these changes but I really like the vibe at the moment.

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending"
Maria Robinson

Change. It's either good or bad, either we like it or we hate it. So, it's up to us to ensure it goes our way. Simply, just change...

lagu untukmu

Dari Malaysia ke Palestin...


A snippet from a local newspaper:

"We are scared... that we can die at any moment,"
said 11-year-old Mohammed Ayyad who lives near a government compound blasted in the overnight raids.
Source: NST

Now, people around the world are awaken from their own perpetual slumber. Everywhere, here and there, demonstrations are being held and protests towards Israel are being heard. It's the time to be neither ignorant nor indifferent.

Fellow bloggers already have their own posts on this matter. My post may not open the eyes of 1 million people but if I can make 1 person be cognizant of this issue, at least it's a start.

Marilah kita berdoa. Bukankah doa adalah senjata orang mukmin?

"...Berdoalah kepada-Ku, nescaya akan aku perkenankan bagimu..."
(Al-Mu'min (40): 60)

From Malaysia to Palestine...