give your heart a break

..cause I do think I need it~

Yesterday, I Skyped home to show my little brother some snow because I didn't think I showed him any since I came to the UK O_o

And it was delightful to see that he still does this repetitive finger grasping movements towards the clump of snow that I was holding (during the Skype call). He would usually do this particular movement whenever he wanted to get a hold of something when he was a toddler. Little that I know that he does it even until now. You might not know this, but I do like doing certain things just because I want to remember either consciously or unconsciously a certain individual. It was during the National Conference in November last year that I realized that I was doing this movement (though my brother would use both of his hands, I would only use one) when I tried to call out to my friends. I was pretty busy at that time since I was handling the conference so I had to get the attention of a lot of people and that's when I started doing it. 

I'm allowed to play with the snow outside okay..

Anecdotes aside, let's move on to the main topic of today's post. Due to my current circumstance, I have to work even harder than before. I mean, I just failed 100 credits (I'm not sure if I had failed 75 or 100 credits since I have 2 modules worth 50 credits each and 4 exams in total. So I just went with the bigger number so that I won't be playing around for the resit). 

My resits will be at the same time with the 3 new modules that I'm taking this semester, worth 80 credits in total. I am deciding to defer one exam, most probably Paediatrics Knowledge to November after listening to the opinions of my peers on morning is at noon (our secret group). So technically, I am sitting for exams worth 130 credits (80 + 50 [failed]) on the week commencing the 13th of May 2012. So yeah, crazy stuff.

Hence, it is only logical that I should reduce the tasks that I currently have.

First, I said goodbye to my cool Psychiatry supervisor by telling him that I won't be able to conduct the research anymore. Next, I considered quitting the role as Barnardo's Independent Visitor but that wouldn't be fair for the child that I'm visiting. Well, I went to see him yesterday and he said that he thinks he no longer needs an Independent Visitor :O Did someone tell him that I failed my exams? Haha, I think Allah's plan is just tooooo perfect. He said that he is now in a stable environment (he has moved to a new foster home) and happy with the people around him; which I am definitely pleased to hear as well. I've been meeting him since last year and happy to see that he is now so optimistic about the future. So yeah, I'm gonna email my coordinator saying that the child is pleased with his new place and I can just focus on my medical life.

Plus, in March/April, my positions as the Secretary for IMAM (Islamic Medical Association of Malaysia) and an unnamed post for EMSY (a super cool secret organization) will finally come to an end. Just realized that I've been holding both of these positions for the past 2 years; with the latter having a bigger workload. Hopefully, I will be less stressful and more focused on passing 130 credits worth of exams. Gulp.

I also won't be going anywhere for Easter holidays. Cause I want to use all the time that I have to focus on my exams + resits. 

Furthermore, to the people I care, I'm sorry but you're probably not going to see me that much after this. For me to continue staying in the UK and for me to help the ummah, I have to survive this battle first. But when I win it, we'll meet up okay!

I have to work my hardest. I have to do everything I can and if I stay positive, I have a shot at a silver lining, inshaAllah...