give your heart a break

..cause I do think I need it~

Yesterday, I Skyped home to show my little brother some snow because I didn't think I showed him any since I came to the UK O_o

And it was delightful to see that he still does this repetitive finger grasping movements towards the clump of snow that I was holding (during the Skype call). He would usually do this particular movement whenever he wanted to get a hold of something when he was a toddler. Little that I know that he does it even until now. You might not know this, but I do like doing certain things just because I want to remember either consciously or unconsciously a certain individual. It was during the National Conference in November last year that I realized that I was doing this movement (though my brother would use both of his hands, I would only use one) when I tried to call out to my friends. I was pretty busy at that time since I was handling the conference so I had to get the attention of a lot of people and that's when I started doing it. 

I'm allowed to play with the snow outside okay..

Anecdotes aside, let's move on to the main topic of today's post. Due to my current circumstance, I have to work even harder than before. I mean, I just failed 100 credits (I'm not sure if I had failed 75 or 100 credits since I have 2 modules worth 50 credits each and 4 exams in total. So I just went with the bigger number so that I won't be playing around for the resit). 

My resits will be at the same time with the 3 new modules that I'm taking this semester, worth 80 credits in total. I am deciding to defer one exam, most probably Paediatrics Knowledge to November after listening to the opinions of my peers on morning is at noon (our secret group). So technically, I am sitting for exams worth 130 credits (80 + 50 [failed]) on the week commencing the 13th of May 2012. So yeah, crazy stuff.

Hence, it is only logical that I should reduce the tasks that I currently have.

First, I said goodbye to my cool Psychiatry supervisor by telling him that I won't be able to conduct the research anymore. Next, I considered quitting the role as Barnardo's Independent Visitor but that wouldn't be fair for the child that I'm visiting. Well, I went to see him yesterday and he said that he thinks he no longer needs an Independent Visitor :O Did someone tell him that I failed my exams? Haha, I think Allah's plan is just tooooo perfect. He said that he is now in a stable environment (he has moved to a new foster home) and happy with the people around him; which I am definitely pleased to hear as well. I've been meeting him since last year and happy to see that he is now so optimistic about the future. So yeah, I'm gonna email my coordinator saying that the child is pleased with his new place and I can just focus on my medical life.

Plus, in March/April, my positions as the Secretary for IMAM (Islamic Medical Association of Malaysia) and an unnamed post for EMSY (a super cool secret organization) will finally come to an end. Just realized that I've been holding both of these positions for the past 2 years; with the latter having a bigger workload. Hopefully, I will be less stressful and more focused on passing 130 credits worth of exams. Gulp.

I also won't be going anywhere for Easter holidays. Cause I want to use all the time that I have to focus on my exams + resits. 

Furthermore, to the people I care, I'm sorry but you're probably not going to see me that much after this. For me to continue staying in the UK and for me to help the ummah, I have to survive this battle first. But when I win it, we'll meet up okay!

I have to work my hardest. I have to do everything I can and if I stay positive, I have a shot at a silver lining, inshaAllah...

don't dream it's over

I planned to write this post before the revelation but I couldn't think of what to be written. Now that almost 24 hours have passed since the revelation, I think I'm ready to write something down. After all, this was what my Dad said on the phone just now, "Wafi kalau nak tweet, tweet je. Kalau nak blog, blog je macam biasa. Tak payah malu." At first, I thought he wanted me to stop tweeting silly stuff or reduce my writing on being me. It's the opposite actually, haha and apparently, my Dad completely knows about my online social life. So yeah, I'm wrting this now because you asked me to..

wilted flowers

by

Adlan Wafi

So yeah, I called my Mum and Dad this morning particularly because calling them yesterday would mean calling them at night in Malaysia. And I'm not telling them something pleasant. Hence, the reason for the delay. 

My Mum answered the phone and I made sure she wasn't doing anything. She can sort of tell what I'm about to say. Then I said it in one go, "Mak, Wafi fail 3 exam". She kept saying the word "takpe" for so many times that I couldn't recall how long it was. She was trying to console me by telling me that it's fine. She reminded me that "Allah uji kita sebab dia tahu kita tahan". 

"Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity..."

(Al-Baqarah, 2:286)

She said it is better for me to suffer now rather than in the future, that I'm going to deal with people's lives in the future. So, it's okay to fail now. She also said that my life journey has been smooth and this is probably the first time I faced with a difficulty in academic terms. 

Then, it was time for my Dad to take over the phone conversation. He mentioned about hikmah. He basically talked about 22:73 about flies which you can happily read here and also about cattle of how Allah submits them to us for our use which is described in 36:71-72 and 43:12-13. He also said that he doesn't mind of what I want to become, an engineer, an accountant, a doctor etc. He just wants me to reach my dream, whatever it may be. But first and foremost, a servant to Allah.

He also told me that he kept bringing his iPad around with him yesterday waiting for my Facetime call. It reminded me of a character from a TV series whom is a father who kept bringing his son's picture around when his son went to war. Well, I'm not going to war but this is my battle.

"It's a different ball game now"

Ayah, 5th of January 2013

That's true Ayah. I'm going to focus and I'm surely not giving up.

And then I talked to my Mum again, in which she wants me to know that I don't have to worry about them. I just have to take care of myself. 

That was it. It was such a long phone call with so many reminiscences of the past by my mum and dad which include:

- how everything went well for UPSR, PMR, SPM, IB

- how I got my choice of university

- that there's a reason why I was involved in a car crash by the age of 20

- about my bestfriends O_o and my social support

- about how I usually cried when I was little and Dad would ask me to smile at the end of our conversation

That's true Mak, "there's a reason for everything".

To all my friends who talked to me since yesterday, thank you for all your support and prayers. I've been talking to friends who are already doctors, doing a PhD, peers and even my housemates. Received some tweets, Viber messages, Whatsapp..you name it, I got it. I know I told you guys to keep it low but with this published blog post, you no longer need to keep it as a secret.

I'll be fine inshaAllah. After all, I do smile a lot. And this hindrance is just going to make me stronger. I will stay strong Mak.

That's all for now. I shall end this post with a quote from Tariq Ramadan, "And remember, don't forget to tell the people you love that you love them". Cause that's exactly what my Dad did before he said goodbye...

moments

What have you done so far this holiday? 

I've done a lot really. I know, I didn't go to a foreign country for a vacation since I didn't make plans earlier but I did some other cool stuff along the way & I also have some things that I look forward to..

PMS - Perhimpunan Musim Sejuk 2012

Yeah, I've been to this event for 4 years in a row and I have a different role every single year. This time, I am one of the AJK Pengisian. You know what? I've been wishing to have this position since last year (maybe because I saw the people in the 2012 team and realized "Hey, you're missing one more person - ME" since 2 of them are my best friends & by having me, it would be complete). But I also want this role because you can control (when I use the word "control" it does sounds like I'm crazy for power :P ) what the event is designed for. And I just love having a role in making those kinds of decision, heh.

It's very different to my role last year. As someone who controls (muahahaha) the event design, you have to think a lot. And Allah bombarded us with problems during the event; one after another which include the Malaysian speaker missed his 12-hour-flight from Malaysia, one local speaker withdrew from coming to the event but he did send someone else which caused another problem - he talked about something that we didn't originally planned! I just love these unexpected predicaments..probably because I have 4 other people to depend on when we need to solve these problems :D

And yes, this year is the last PMS for most of my friends from my year (who came to the UK in 2009) since most of them are doing a 4-year-degree programme. So it would be quite weird when they're not around next year. But yeah, I'm prepared mentally. It was also interesting that the director of PMS 2012 is the very person who only attended once (maybe). It was the irony of the season.

Plus, thanks to Team Media for including me in your video!! Nabil Ali rarely includes me in his productions :P Even if he did, the video will not be uploaded and if the video contains some shots of me, my face is probably covered in a blanket or hidden by the sunset. Haha. Ok kidding Nabil, jangan marah.

My 4th Year plans

You know, me moving into this new house is all part of my master plans. Plans which I didn't reveal entirely to any of my friends or family but some people do know some of them. As I said, plans NOT plan. So, some of you may know some of them. And some of you would not know at all, muahahaha. And everything is set in motion & they need to be perfect. So that's all I can say about my secret plans on my blog. Kah3. 

Don't worry readers, some of the plans have actually been written on this blog if you're smart and attentive ;)

Week of Moments

I just blurted this phrase to Lut yesterday when I told him that a lot of things will happen this week. The week that defines my future. If I make it through, I will book my plane ticket to Malaysia on that very day. I know it's not going to affect my holiday in May but it's going to affect me as an overachiever definitely (aku poyo, I know). Well, you know how it went when I didn't get Psychiatry for my 3rd Year project - 1 year of posts are just me talking about this O_o

So yeah, it will be quite a meaningful week to me depending on how everything goes.

I'm also going to talk to the people I care on Skype tonight (^^,)

And I would like to end this post with this photo :D

Allah is the best planner. Remember this. Welcome 2013...

meet me halfway

Adlan Wafi Ramli

Bachelor of Medical Sciences

(photo taken by Nazmi)

You see, one of the reasons why I chose Nottingham as my university is because of its double degree feature. Although of course the Bachelor of Medical Sciences is not the aim, I can get extra points for my application if I were to work in the UK after graduating with BMBS in 2014 which is definitely awesome.

Me & Hosni

So yeah, I initially didn't feel like graduating because it's not really the end of the medical programme, but after attending Kamal's graduation in summer this year, I changed my mind. I decided to graduate because I want to hear my name being pronounced by a native English speaker, hahaha. Thankfully, my name was correctly mentioned. And one of my favourite lecturers was present as well, Dr Todd (Immunology). I should have waved enthusiastically at him :P

Me & Syakir

Who knew that graduation can be so tiring? I was exhausted by the end of the day. My Mum came to see me the week before. I could have asked her to stay a little while longer but I didn't want to burden her. Her presence definitely made me forget about the horrifying exams I had in November and plus, I got to eat all the delicious & wonderful dishes of hers. And it was so sweet of her to come to England just to see me ^_^

And here are some of my mum's dishes:

And here are some of the photos from graduation:

And to my friends (Raja Abdullah Hakim aka King, Alif, Capek and Abang Shah) who came all the way from Manchester for our graduation, thank you. It means a lot, really especially since King kept mentioning about my graduation ever since I told him when we were freshers (Muhammad Hanif Noor Izan was also one of the people who kept saying that he wanted to come but he got married this year so he's excluded :P). To everyone who has given your wishes on FB, Twitter, Whatsapp, text messages or even direct conversations, thank you.

Flowers from my housemates :)

During Graduation, I kept seeing my colleagues holding bouquets of flowers and I'm usually not bothered by flowers. But for some reason yesterday, I was like, "I want one" lol. When I left the graduation hall, Haq handed me a bouquet of flowers which definitely made my day. You should've seen my face. I was pretty excited, hehe.

Yeap, if you've read my tweet, I'm glad that I attended the graduation yesterday. I'm feeling more motivated now (though not thoroughly confident with my recent exams) and looking forward to the future ;)

So, I guess you can call me a post-grad student now, can't you? Hahaha...

22

Don't worry people, I'm not in denial of my age. It's more of a reflection; which is something that I usually do every year on my birthday.

22 has been a long journey. So much drama has happened particularly in this period of time that I think if my life was a primetime drama, it would win an Emmy :P

Anyway, back to reality. 

Today is actually the day of iGames in Manchester. Naturally, I would have gone to the event where I would meet a lot of morale boosters which can give me some inspiration but instead, I stayed at home with medical books. I sort of promised myself that I shall not be enjoying myself until I finish my exam which will be from the 19th - 30th of November 2012. So, I need to decide which events to go to or not; and I decided to forgo this one unfortunately.

Currently studying Paediatric Cardiology -_-

It's not that bad. I celebrated my birthday with my driving instructor by having the final lesson today in which I PASSED the Mock Test!! Awesomeness! I called home and Irfan Wafi was the first to answer and immediately sang "Happy Birthday" to me. That was such a super cute moment; I miss my little brother so badly. I talked to Mum and Dad about almost everything that crossed my mind. I got a tart and a 2013 diary. And I got wishes from Twitter, WhatsApp, iMessage, FB messages and even a FaceTime call. So dear Akmal Aliff, just because they didn't pop up on Facebook, doesn't mean I didn't get any ;P

So thank you everyone for making my day :)

When you do get gifts from someone, try to make good use of them. Use the gifts for good things so that the giver will also benefit from your actions, inshaAllah.

And it was interesting to see if people would treat you differently if they knew your birthday, ihik2.

Just before I go, I have just one last wish, let's make dua for you and me, that we always be thankful for everything that Allah has given us ;)

Cause sometimes we (read: me) often overlook the blessings that were given to us.

Till then, my name is Adlan Wafi and I am now 23...

eyes open

Eid mubarak everyone :)

The one in the photo is mine and the one in the screen is my person's

I know, I haven't been on the worldwide web for a while due to various commitments. But I just can't leave being me with no updates, can I?

It's obvious, I'm approaching my examination and this time it's bigger than ever. With 100 credits at stake, failures would result into failure of Year 4 (because the total number of credits is 180 and you cannot fail more than half). And you know I wouldn't talk about failure unless I'm serious about it. 

Nevertheless, I need to remind myself of something morale-boosting. That's why for the first time ever (I might be wrong) being me is going to give you tips! And this time it is on:

AW's How to Deliver A Top Notch Presentation!

If you've been reading my blog posts since KMBian days, you'd know that I'm crazy about doing presentations. Presentation is like the best type of assessment ever (followed closely behind by coursework).

And if you remember the module CFU (Community Follow-Up) from this post; I obtain a score of 100% for the presentation, alhamdulillah & the recent presentation I did a few weeks ago for my CHH (Child Health) module or Peadiatrics made me one of the students in the running for the Medical Student Prize :D

Technically, presentation is all about catching the eyes of the audience and the assessors. If you succeeded in doing that, your job is done. My tips are designed for the typical Microsoft Powerpoint slideshows, so here they are..

1. Use pictures

It's so easy to do yet so easy to miss. All you have to do is Google pictures and put them on your slideshow. Make your presentation filled with pictures. Not many people can stand slides of words. So, put some pictures in between...please!

Does this make you want to get into your duvet?

What about this one?

2. Don't adjust the font size

Unless you're using Prezi, don't you dare make the font size smaller. If you had to change the size of your fonts, that means you've put too many info and the old man sitting closest to the door will start to snore in the next 5 minutes. So...just...don't.

3. Eye contact

It is both my strength and my weakness. My strength because when I make eye contact with the audience, I sort of able to enchant them with my words but it's my weakness because I don't always have the will to look into their eyes because of my nerves. So yeah, make eye contact and you can rule the world.

4. Don't read from the slides

Seriously, don't. I would usually spend a good 1 hour practicing my presentation in my room (sometimes with a music in the background so that my housemates won't think that I've gone bonkers talking to myself in my room for a long period of time). I would make sure I remember what I want to say on specific slides rather than writing them down on pieces of notes. You can write on notes if you're presenting orally but if you have a slideshow, the slides can somehow serve as visual cues for you to remember what to say. It's up to you really..just don't read from the slides okay. The slides are for the audience to read NOT you.

5. Stick to the time given

I don't think I've ever surpassed the time limit for any given presentation unless of course, I need to surpass the time to pass the assessment. Like for the most recent presentation of mine, I had 44 slides and the assessor was like, "You're gonna have to start soon cause you have a lot of slides to go through" and when I finished in 8 minutes or so (the max time was 10 minutes), she commented, "I guess you can finish it in less than 10 minutes". Awesomeness! People do get annoyed if you went over your allocated time.

SPECIAL TIP!

6. Do something special

If you really want to stand out, make sure you leave an impression. Back in KMB, I remembered 2 of my best presentations:

i. English

It was a really simple presentation, and we only presented verbally but the special thing was that our points which were written on the whiteboard were concealed by pieces of paper and when we wanted to highlight the point, we would rip the paper apart from the whiteboard thus revealing the points. My teacher, Ms Nora Azany liked the audio effect which kept the audience interested in our presentation, alhamdulillah :)

ii. TOK (Theory of Knowledge)

Since I got good feedback for my Eng presentation, I used the audio revelation effect of the papers for my TOK presentation but this time, all of my team members wear toga. Google this to know what it means :P Our topic was on Atlantis, so the reason why we decided to wrap another piece of cloth around our daily attire.

If you're from KMB, you might remember this cool design. Well, I borrowed these 4 coloured sheets to be used as our toga, haha.

CFU on Prezi

To those who do not appear on my Prezi, that doesn't mean I don't remember you ^__^

As for my life in medical school; for CFU, which carries a considerably high percentage for my 1st degree, I used Prezi for the 1st time which definitely gave me a perfect score and as for the presentation a few weeks ago, I simply used a catchy title for my presentation (I cannot type the name of the title right now cause I don't want to be caught plagiarised from my own blog, lol). But an example would be from the title of my CFU coursework - Lean on Me which is obviously a song title.

-END-

I realized that I would always try to give an excellent performance whenever the presentation is something that would give me the chance to win a prize or an excellent result.

Yet Adlan Wafi, you failed to realize that your life is a performance of a lifetime. So why can't you show Him what you can do? So before the curtain call, you still have time to make an impression...

with you i'm born again

Last week was the end of my attachment in the specialty of Obstetrics and Gynaecology..

..and yesterday was the start of my 10 week attachment in Peadiatrics (Child Health) which I'm definitely excited about because I love children! Just look at this video on Moro Reflex which was shown during one of the lectures yesterday. I can't wait to do one:

How I wish I'd known about it when Irfan Wafi was small ^_^

Well, that's Peadiatrics for you but for now, I want to talk about my previous attachment..

It was a very long duration, 10 weeks filled with tears, pain and blood (from the patients' side that is). Through my perspective, it is a very delicate and sensitive area of specialty that is not designed for certain individuals..surely, these individuals include me.

You see, I'm not really into handling ladies who suffer from severe pain, cry a lot and I'm certainly not fond of examining you-know-what on a daily basis. I have to say that this specialty requires a great deal of empathy and sensitivity from the doctor to deliver care to these patients. It's not that I'm not empathetic or sensitive enough, all doctors are required to have these traits; it's just that the topics revolving around this area are simply not my cup of tea.

What I got from my 10 week attachment was that, I've gained a better appreciation of my mum who had underwent the process of labour to deliver me and my siblings. When I was in the Labour Suite (a ward filled with women in labour) for 1 week, it was quite difficult for me to look at the distress portrayed through the women's faces. When they screamed, or when they cried, I felt really sorry for them. It made me wanna call my mum promptly and talked to her. But when the baby popped out, it's like one of the best feelings you ever experienced. I just can't help smiling so brightly.

Well that's for Obstetrics (relating to pregnancy and birth); as for Gynaecology (relating to female reproductive system in general), these patients cry a lot too. When I was at the hospital last week, a high proportion of the patients that I saw on that day cried when I met them. And I'm not good at handling ladies who are in distress. It's a skill that takes time for me to develop. The best I can do was to give my please-be-strong look and I'm-just-trying-to-make-you-feel-better smile which I don't think it did. 

You see, I have a great deal of empathy towards my patients but I'm trying my best not to get too attached to them (not that I've attached myself to a patient previously). Yeah, I'm this kind of doctor. Obs and Gynae is a specialty that taught me life is filled with events which are not in our control. Like when my first patient in Labour Suite had a baby with meconium aspiration (baby poo inside his lung), I felt so bad for the parents, they were really nice; some things are just out of our hands. The father went to pray for his newborn's health. And I thought, "Yeah, I can do that too". 

Obs and Gynae also made me think of my mum even more. I kept having flashbacks of her every now and then during my attachment. I'm simply grateful to have a great mum. This is one of the wonderful experiences in the world of medicine. It made you appreciate life even more...

this little light of mine

Since I am no longer a student blogger for my university, I shall now talk a lot more on my life as a Medic on being me.

Last Monday, I attended a Learning to Teach Clinical Skills (LTCS) workshop which is entirely optional and I decided to become a teacher to junior students just because I like teaching others. One of the tasks that we're supposed to do is to teach a non-clinical skill to our colleagues which can be origami, tying shoelaces, dancing, plaiting hair and many others.

Being me, I told myself that I want to do something simple. That Monday morning, I thought about origami but that is too mainstream in the workshop. So, I stared at my red Jimmy Bo Crumpler bag encasing my 550D and began to think..

..like I'm a photographer. I should be able to think of something interesting and easy to do with my DSLR. Then, the image of Zuhri doing multiple light painting shots whilst in Sabah popped into my mind.

My light painting during the LTCS Workshop with my name

And I was like, "Thank you Allah, I'll do that."

All I remembered was it needs to be on the "BULB" setting. So, I googled to find out how to do the rest. It was fairly simple to teach to others and I thought that I stand a chance of winning the prize for the most interesting skill on that day. Hehehe.

I went last in my group and alhamdulillah, my colleagues loved it. And so did the facilitators and yeap, I won. Yeay! I chose a packet of Eclairs as my prize from the bag of goodies.

You know, ideas come and go. If you're not aware of the idea when it comes to you and gets preoccupied with something else, the idea might just go away and you may never be able to retrieve it back.

So does hidayah, Allah gives hidayah to those who seek it. But if you let it go or decided to ignore it for something else, then you may be lost..forever.

Hence, when you get the chance to be given hidayah from The Almighty, grab it. Cause you never know when your next chance is going to arrive...

good time

The driving lessons

On Wednesday, I began learning back how to drive. After so many years of not driving a manual car, getting back behind the wheels of a manual vehicle can be quite awkward. Surprisingly, my first stall occurred closer towards the end of my first lesson. I expected it to occur sooner. My instructor is really nice, he doesn't make me nervous and was very patient to have a reckless driver like me as a student. It's just so funny to drive a manual car again. I always laughed on my own in the hallway when I got back home thinking of the silly things that I did while driving and how my instructor managed to maintain his sanity despite my incompetence. 

I could actually feel the adrenaline rush of driving again. It felt so good and I need to get my license pronto so I can get back on the road.

When I was driving, I kept telling myself "Don't kill anyone, don't kill anyone". Lol. And my instructor said that he likes my confidence and the driver nature in me. He's funny, I know. And when he asked me how to spell Wafi, I said "W..A..F..I" and he replied, "I like it" (this is like his favourite sentence).

Yeah, I like having you as an instructor as well and hopefully, everything will be fine.

Taking bloods

The butterfly

As a medical student, you are expected to be able to take bloods from patients competently. Ever since I became a 4th Year medical student in July 2012, I haven't had the opportunity to take bloods. The last time I took some bloods was in CP1 (Clinical Phase 1, 3rd Year Medic). So on Thursday, I was on Gynae on-call when the F2 (Formula 2 doctor) asked me to take bloods from a patient that I just took a history from.

My reaction towards the request by the F2:

Source: link

Cause it has been a while. So I was pretty excited to take bloods using the butterfly. I was pretty nervous at first and yeah, adrenaline was kicking in. For me, it's still a big deal to take bloods as a student. After getting the equipment ready, I was ready to stab the patient. I said "sharp scratch" and inserted the needle. I saw the flashback (flashback means I'm successful and is shown by the return of blood into the plastic tubing when the needle accesses the vein) and got excited cause the needle's in the vein. I took a tube and attached it to the butterfly to retrieve the blood..but none came out and I was like "Nooooo.." (monologue). I really want to begin my 4th Year with perfect beginnings. I twitched the needle slightly and out came the blood ever so quickly. The patient exclaimed, "Ooooh, it came out so fast" and I replied, "Yeah *eyes gleaming* ". Success!

I went back to the F2, showed her a tube of  bloods and hoped for some positive reinforcements. 

Her response, "Please write her details down". 

Yeah, it's not a big deal to these doctors. They take bloods like everyday. But I still enjoy taking bloods. It's just so much fun. And if I decided to go into Psychiatry, I don't think they take bloods that much so I might as well enjoy doing it now before I'm no longer able to do it.

* * *

Some things are enjoyed by some people while at the same time, they may be considered dull by others. So Abdul Haq Mohaidin, kau bosan! 

There are so many things in life that are perceived by others differently. The way to embrace these differences is to respect others' opinions. But if you're studying Economics, it's going to be hard for you to have a sense of empathy as demonstrated by my housemate.

As for me, I love driving and taking bloods. I do love a lot of other things but that's a different story...