disturbia

And so I went jogging yesterday early in the morning and the whole time, I just could not take my mind off the interview that I had several days ago.

When I got back to my room, I got several messages on my phone:

"Adlan, Nottingham dah keluar."

Firstly, if there was such an award, the University of Nottingham would easily win the university with the Most Anticipated Interview as the period between the time when the interview invitations were released and the interview session was so long; it extended to almost two months. After several weeks of waiting, I've finally managed to successfully go to all my interviews (with the same attire successively =P).

However, there were several hindrances that I've encountered before that day arrives. It's more like a dilemma. Some of my friends were advising me of not going to this interview as some applicants are currently not holding any conditional offers. At that point, I was actually facing with one of the most difficult decisions that I have to make in life. Should I abandon my dream? Should I give opportunity to those who are still waiting? In the end, I just keep telling myself that there is a possibility for all of us to get the offers. I mean, it's not impossible.

And so I asked my friends to send this message to these people:

"See you in Nottingham"

But after attending the interview, I doubt that getting the offer would be easy...for me that is...

The third. The last.

photo by Bellerus

24th March 09
The University of Nottingham, Chulan Tower
Nottingham

Truthfully, Nottingham interview really made me nervous. I guess the last interview that I had was in the month of January, so somehow, I might have lost my touch.

And for the last time, here are my questions:

1. Why doctor? (This question never loses its popularity)
2. Why doctor instead of other healthcare professions? (And it started to become hard)
3. Why not a pharmacist? (And it got harder)
4. Doctors have to work in a team. How do you find that different than other healthcare professions? (And even harder)

Okay, so you might say to yourself that these questions are not hard. I guess my definition of hard here is that I have difficulty in making my answers unique and interesting.

5. So, why Nottingham?

This is the question which I really looked forward to answering. And I talked a lot about it. And the interviewers didn't ask more about Nottingham which made me feel slightly demotivated. I was hoping that this question would be the one which can really make me stand out. It played a minor role...probably =(

And then, I realized that there was a question which I answered passionately. I told the interviewers about the two degrees which can be obtained in Nottingham the other one being the Bachelor of Medical Sciences degree.

6. Students will undergo an independent research project in the 3rd year which would lead to the attainment of the BMedSci degree. What do you think is the benefit of doing a research project independently?

And I told them about my EE. I chose English for my EE as it is my favourite subject (and also the only subject that I managed to score a hat trick) and it was definitely interesting to learn about linguistics despite the fact that it may not have anything to do with medicine. And I felt much better when I remembered I've said this to them...;)

Then, we move on to the part which made me feel a bit better (please note that I used "a bit" in the sentence).

7. You've taken part in several community service. Would you like to tell us more about that?

I got some hope and I told them about all of these:
A. Sehati Serumpun, Cambodia. They were interested to hear about my journey there.
B. Permai Hospital. I got to tell them about meeting mentally-challenged individuals.
C. Rumah Aman. I talked about the kids at the orphanage and the trip to Aquaria KLCC.

8. IB can be very stressful. So, how do you cope with that? (I strongly believe this question is gaining its popularity)

I talked about jogging with my mp3 player and also Frisbee. Somehow, they were intrigued to hear about Frisbee. Basically, it's almost everything that I wrote in clocks.

And finally, the time came for me to ask them if I have any questions. And I asked the question which I think is really neutral and doesn't sound desperate at all despite the opinions of many...

Adlan: May I know when the result will be out? (See, it's not THAT desperate. After all, I asked this same question for all my interviews. It's really safe.)

And I asked a question which made me feel bad for the rest of the day and hence, the reason why the title of this post is as stated and the reason why I'm not really in the mood.

Adlan: Did you have fun? (Awkward) in Malaysia? (Much more awkward)

Wafi : Shut up Adlan! Shut up! (My inner monologue)

Honestly, I was absolutely upset for asking that question. I should have just kept quiet. In a nutshell, I have to say the interview was awkward and depressing. I didn't have the capacity to use my creativity in answering the questions this time around.

One of the problems in this interview is that I kept using the same words repetitively. I just noticed that this is the problem that I faced in all three interviews. I guess that's why I didn't score high for my Speaking in IELTS.

In both of my previous interviews, I do have the feeling that I'm going to get the offer. But now, I just don't seem to have that much confidence in me. Quite frustrating though, I really hope I get it.

I think I need to remind myself of something much more important than interviews.

"...Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest."

"...Ingatlah, hanya dengan mengingati Allah hati menjadi tenteram."

(Ar-Ra'd (13): 28)

And I would like to thank all my moral boosters. You made me feel better in so many ways...

clocks

CAS - Creativity, Action, Service. When I first heard that I've to get 180 hours during my 2 year period of IB programme, I was definitely appalled by the number. 1 week's not even enough to reach that amount.

"Time is free, but it's priceless
You can't own it, but you can use it
You can't keep it, but you can spend it
Once you've lost it, you can never get it back"
Harvey MacKay

I think Harvey MacKay should add another line, "If you do CAS, you can collect it"...

CAS was simply interesting. Most of the activities that I joined were quite new to me.

Paintball! (We became a group for one time only :P)

Playing paintball in KMB was actually my first and so far, the only time. I guess life was hectic (I actually ditched one paintball tournament so that I could go to Manchester University briefing - now, I believe I made the right choice, hehe). Well, other than paintball, I am an Ultimate Frisbee player (though I don't play it nowadays). It was one of the best sports that I ever played (though I don't have any pictures for it). I really felt like a team player. As I see much better players in the game that I play, that's when I say, ok, let's look for a new one. I can really get intimidated sometimes. Yet, you'd probably be surprised to find out about the games that I used to play for the last 10 years. Let's just say, I change sports frequently.

KMBians at MRSM TGB

What better way to do CAS than to go back to your old school? I I even did CAS twice here - one with TGBians and one with M07J. It was quite invigorating, to reminisce the unforgettable moments when I was a member of the 05/06 batch. Very nostalgic.

Let's go to the Zoo!

Feeding the giant turtle with fries

I had fun and gone here twice too! Painting the rusty bars, cleaning the reptile house and came into close contact with a beautiful snake. Sort of a wild experience.

Permai...

Some structures that we built

The group photo on the final day

Hospital Permai was more of an eye opener for me. It was simply a new experience for me to be around mentally-challenged individuals. I salute the staffs for their best efforts to care for these patients. I'd recommend this CAS trip to anyone who wishes to venture into the medical world.

The kids of Rumah Aman with the KMBians during our trip to Aquaria KLCC

Rumah Aman is full of cute, ecstatic and wonderful kids. What's more is that, Rumah Aman was actually my old kindergaten (previously named as Tadika Kristal).It was the earliest CAS that I participated. Though it's been a long time since I met them, I have to say I can vividly remember their innocent faces.

HTAR

Future doctors, insya-Allah

The finished mural

HTAR. Probably one of the most popular CAS activities, it serves its purpose as an image of my future life. The times that were spent to talk to patients and help the staffs with their workloads had somehow given me an insight of what being a doctor is all about. Nevertheless, I also managed to get to know more about my ex-next door neighbour, M07K.

Looking back at all my CAS reports, I felt grateful to be able to reach the end of my CAS journey. Each of the CAS activities or projects that I joined somehow had made me better. This includes the Sehati Serumpun project in Cambodia. Do read anyway.

Strive always...

Now that my CAS file had been submitted, all I need to do now is to focus on the IB May 09 Exam. Even so, it's not as calm as it seems. It's IB KMB after all, what do you expect? The clock's ticking...

don't speak

You don't really think I'm going to leave my blog without being updated for one whole month. After all, I am now free ~

I have this friend which I was close to in the early semesters in KMB, but nowadays, I realized that we rarely talked. Plus, whenever we meet, we only make eye contact. Yes, eye contact! I had to be the one to do the talking - the one to greet the other for numerous times continuously until I got tired...which was today. It's funny though. IB has not even ended yet and we're not talking to each other already. Don't get me wrong; we're not arguing or having internal conflicts. It's just that...I don't know; as time passes by, we simply stopped having conversations. Peculiar, I know. To the person being featured on my blog - just a simple greeting like giving salam is enough. We don't need to have long hours of chit chat. Simple short ones will do. And to all my friends - I really hope that this would not happen to anyone of you. It would be sad; really.

Speaking of speaking, I just found out about this:

Terlajak perahu boleh berundur
Terlajak kata buruk padahnya

Well, it might be old hat to you; nevertheless, how many of us are aware of the fact that we can actually hurt others through words?

Imam Ghazali pernah bertanya:

Apakah yang paling tajam di dunia ini?

Lidah manusia

Words can do so much damage to our lives. At times, there is this strange tendency for us to just blurt out whatever we have in our minds. Once we realized that we've said something wrong, that's when we wished we never said anything. And the guilt, it will devour you and make you feel bad for hours, days, weeks, months or even years.

And even that, don't you think that people like to talk bad stuff about others? It's almost like a culture in certain community (check out gossip)

Well, speak only when we have to and control what we want to say. Don't babble everything in your mind (unless you have a blog of course). Essentially, think before you throw...words that is...

a thousand miles

I have this feeling inside of me. It's green. It's envy.

I envy those who have their friends since they were in kindergarten and they're still together.

I envy those who have their friends since high school and they're flying off to the same country.

I envy those who have their friends going to the same university.

It's envy. Green with envy.

I found myself thinking about this most of the time. Throughout my life, it seems like I have to restart all over again. I made new friends and I found myself leaving them when I have to go to another place. When I moved to Penang, when I moved back to Shah Alam, when I go to MRSM TGB, when I enroll in KMB and it will happen once again when I fly to UK, insya-Allah.

It's undeniable that I actually have this crazy thought of persuading my friends who'll be flying off to other countries to actually apply to UK; especially when I found out they can still apply through UCAS Clearing. A much crazier idea was to actuate my friends who are applying to universities other than mine to opt for Clearing and what's more demented is that I even consider myself to enter Clearing just so that I have a chance to go the same university as my friends.

Okay, so I can't actually do any of these. I'm still rational and these plans are not even realistic. I guess I just have to let them go. And it's indubitably that I'm going to miss them...

"Ukhwah itu indah bila bertemu dan berpisah kerana Allah"

The second.

photo by petecarr

19th January 09
KLCC
Liverpool

So the second interview didn't really intimidate me as much as the first. I did get a good sleep last night.

And so my mum and I went to KLCC and we really didn't know where Traders Hotel was; so we walked around the Ground floor to find the information centre and as we approached the glass windows where you can see the lovely park, there it was - Traders Hotel; located directly across the park.

So, I had a stroll around the KLCC park with my mum and I kind of enjoyed it cause it's been a long time since we went for a walk. How cool is that - Going for a walk in the park with your mum before facing a crucial medical interview?

Traders Hotel is definitely a place of high class. No wonder most UK universities held their interviews here. And here are my questions:

1. What has really made you want to do medicine? (I got the No. 1 question once again)
2. So, tell us, why Liverpool? (I did prepare for this question - PBL, city, multicultural and one answer which I can't believe I blurted it out "I want to experience the nightlife there" - Hahaha, yeah right)

And Liverpool actually had large proportion of their questions based on my personal statement.

3. In your PS, you stated that you had participated in several hospital attachments. Tell us about that.
4. You also mentioned that you went to Cambodia and you really like the children. How does that help you in becoming a doctor?
5. You also suffered bronchopneumonia which means you were a patient. So that must have given you a different perspective towards this profession.
6. You mentioned team spirit is vital. Please describe how teamwork is really important as a doctor.

Honestly, I was smiling everytime I hear bits of my PS being mentioned throughout interview. It's like - Yes! Finally! Something in the PS!

There were also some questions which I had to use my classmates as examples. Hehe.

7. Please describe any conflicts that you have faced in a team.
8. Do you prefer to be a leader or a follower?
9. Please describe any events during your exposure in the medical world which involves ethical arguments. (This is the hardest for me)

For Question 9, initially, I said "No, there aren't any" but the interviewer repeated the question and I knew I had to think of something quick. All in all, I managed to answer their questions and the interview took less than 15 minutes. And I have to say it was OK.

This time, I smiled enough and my eye contact was more controlled. Another problem though - my throat was dry. I guess the temperature was too cold. Maybe I should drink some water during the interview.

I realized something throughout my interviews. At times, I couldn't really hear every word uttered by the interviewers. Then I remembered my Eng Oral; Ms Nora once said that "Adlan, if you're talking fast like that, no one can get what you're trying to say". Well, if the interviewers talked fast too and I couldn't hear what they're trying to say, so that must mean they can hear what I say. Right? Because they talk faster than me. Never mind that.

Here's a tip for fellow readers, don't ever say "Can you please repeat the question?". Surely, the interviewers would be smiling and they would kindly repeat the question. But in their minds - "What the heck?", "You expect me to repeat the question which took me 5 minutes to ask you?" and "Repeat? Seriously, who's interviewing who?".

Instead, say "I beg your pardon, can you please clarify the question?" or look for the word "clarify" in the thesaurus and use it in the above sentence.

Choosing UK was quite a challenge for me. It wasn't a personal decision. I'm actually separating myself from my friends that'll be going to other countries. But when I have to make the final choice for my university, it's going to be personal; definitely...

the way i are

It's interview season in KMB and I couldn't help but feel nervous most of the times. (My fingernails even turned purple whenever I thought about the medical interviews).

Waiting for the day of the first interview is like waiting for the first visit to the dentist, first time taking an exam or waiting for the UPSR, PMR, or SPM result. It's nerve-racking!

The first.

photo by amchu

14th January 09
KMB
Manchester

Manchester interview was quite fun I think. It has two parts - the first consisted of general questions and the second one was more of a discussion on a medical issue. These are some of the questions that I was asked during my interview. (They're not exact questions though, it's not like I brought a tape recorder into the room)

First part,

1. Why medicine? (Most popular question for any interviews; though some didn't get this question)
2. What have you learnt from the attachments that you participated?
3. Have the attachments helped in giving you a deeper insight in the medical profession?
4. How can you cope with the course of medicine in Manchester?
5. How do you deal with stress? (Manchester loves this question)

The 1st part was mostly personal. I didn't think I answered it as well as I thought I would be. But, I think it was quite good. Now, we move on to the 2nd part, the more interesting one.

Second part,

1. The usage of drugs in sports can actually help in boosting an athlete's performance. Is this inexcusable?

During this question, my mind was like thinking critically hard and the interviewer actually asked whether or not I understand the word "inexcusable". I just said yes though actually, I couldn't even think what it means. (Hey, I was really nervous at that time, timorous even)

And so I said, if the drugs are helpful, why not? In other words, I'm actually supporting the usage of drugs in sports. And the attacking begins...

2. So you're saying, "Let's give drugs to all the athletes"?
3. Don't you think it's unfair?
4. Drugs can be potentially dangerous. Are you still saying that drugs should be allowed?

Honestly, I didn't really hear the first question for this part and I just agreed on that matter - to use drugs in sports. When I heard the second question, I knew it, I had given the wrong answer - nope, there's no right or wrong answer - it's just that I've given the answer which I don't intend to.

I would really like to take back my words and go against the usage of drugs but that would somehow show that I'm not firm in making decisions. And so I said the athletes can judge themselves whether or not they can win by using drugs or without drugs. And they're still attacking. And I kept defending my stand.

5. Do you think the athletes would care if they win by using drugs? A gold medal is still a gold medal.

And there're more questions but somehow I managed to answer all of them. Most of my answers are like - the public should know which athletes use drugs, doctor's consent, recommended amount and etc.

I noticed two problems during my interview - my eye contact and the smiling part. I sometimes looked at the air conditioner but I managed to look back at my interviewers' eyes. And although I smile continuously, I didn't think I smile that much in the interview. Anyway, I had a great time BUT that doesn't mean I'm confident in getting the offer but I do hope so.

The interviewers were really nice and they're the ones who smiled all the time. We do laugh occasionally but the problem is, I didn't know whether they're laughing at me or the jokes that were made. The interviewers kept saying that my answers were "interesting", I hope that's good. All in all, I would say it was OK.

I just realized something. It took about 15-20 minutes only to make a good impression to the interviewers - to show who you really are. It's freaky somehow. On the contrary, the interview in the hereafter is based on our whole life. Now that's something worth to think about...

waiting on the world to change

As I was walking along the route from Bukit Nanas to Dang Wangi to transfer from Monorail to RapidKL, I couldn't help noticing a very interesting sight which I'd gladly take a picture of it and put it on my blog. Unfortunately, I didn't bring along my digicam and my handphone is incapable of capturing photos with decent quality. (Really need to change my handphone once IB is over). Nonetheless, if you were there, you may want to do the same. It was a pathetic sight. Rubbish decorated the steps and escalators of the overhead bridge along the route. And the stench, I'll just leave that to your imagination. The question is - When will Malaysians change their mentality?


I wonder why John Mayer keeps waiting on the world to change. Perhaps, some things in this world are beyond our reach. We might just have to wait.

But still, we could not just sit and do nothing.

"...surely, Allah does not change a people's lot unless they change what is in their hearts..."
(Ar-Ra'd (13): 11)

Well, you might've heard of the saying like the only constant thing in the world is change. Thus, why do we have to keep waiting? We could miss the boat. And once that happened, it could all be too late. Change while we can.

And so I changed my English EE from literature to language near the end of last year and I'm going to change my TOK essay topic during this weekend. But hey, I could be taking risks here. I certainly do not know the outcome of these changes but I really like the vibe at the moment.

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending"
Maria Robinson

Change. It's either good or bad, either we like it or we hate it. So, it's up to us to ensure it goes our way. Simply, just change...

lagu untukmu

Dari Malaysia ke Palestin...


A snippet from a local newspaper:

"We are scared... that we can die at any moment,"
said 11-year-old Mohammed Ayyad who lives near a government compound blasted in the overnight raids.
Source: NST

Now, people around the world are awaken from their own perpetual slumber. Everywhere, here and there, demonstrations are being held and protests towards Israel are being heard. It's the time to be neither ignorant nor indifferent.

Fellow bloggers already have their own posts on this matter. My post may not open the eyes of 1 million people but if I can make 1 person be cognizant of this issue, at least it's a start.

Marilah kita berdoa. Bukankah doa adalah senjata orang mukmin?

"...Berdoalah kepada-Ku, nescaya akan aku perkenankan bagimu..."
(Al-Mu'min (40): 60)

From Malaysia to Palestine...

bring me some water

When I looked at NST's front page yesterday, there it stated - Klang Valley will face water shortage in 2010. I was like, Great! Now we have a water crisis.

photo by Hypergurl

With the economy is tumbling and food prices keep going up, up and away, there's no telling what else will happen in this world.

People will start looking for solutions like maybe the Earth Hour 2007 - 2.2 million people in Sydney, Australia switched off their lights in order to fight global warming. So, what does it have anything to do with the water crisis? Well, maybe everyone in the world can skip their morning shower on a certain day or maybe don't go to the toilet for 12 hours. Who knows? If people are desperate, they might just go for the extreme measures. I guess we are being ignorant towards the fact that our world is in a state of environmental turmoil.

When I was in MRSM TGB, there were several times when we faced water shortages. Plus, KMB also had occasional episodes of water crisis. When humans face impediments such as these, that's when they realize the value of water. Maybe we should do the same to our nation; stop the water supply every now and then so that people would suffer, thus hopefully we would be thankful enough to have access to clean water. Imagine that. Haha, don't take me seriously.

What should we do? Well, moderate our water consumption and practice this everyday; we don't need to opt for the hyperbolic steps. After all, istiqamah is much better. It's like doing your EE, whether you want to write all the 4000 words in one day or you want to write it slowly but progressively and in the end producing a top-notch essay. You decide...

everything is not what it seems

photo by GranDadWoof

You might probably have seen lots and lots of optical illusions in science classes. But, have you seen a real one? (Wait, if it's an illusion, how can it be real?) My point is, have you seen a real world optical illusion or in this case, anamorphic illusion?

Entitled 3 Ellipses for 3 Locks, this piece of art at Cardiff Bay Barrage was created by Swiss artist Felice Varini and his team in 2007. It's his first work in Wales and also the first in the UK. So, KMBians who'll be going to Cardiff next year, you'd know where to find this illusion!

We may always think what we see is true but then again, it's not always like this. Ergo, when should we trust our senses to give us truth? (Don't bother answering. It'll take more than 1000 words to answer this question)

Try not to be judgmental; especially if you don't have the necessary knowledge or skills. I know a doctor shouldn't.

judgmental Definition
from Your Dictionary

judg·men·tal (juj ment′'l)

adjective

1. of or having to do with the exercise of judgment
2. making or tending to make judgments as to value, importance, etc., often specif., judgments considered to be lacking in tolerance, compassion, objectivity, etc.

So you see this person at a very strange place doing something very weird or you see that person walking side by side with a very interesting person, (am I making any sense here?) don't always believe the thoughts that you have in mind, they might be illusions. Husnu zan, ok.

And Hammad actually wrote a replied version of this post on his blog. Do read Not everything is what it seems.

By the way, I've just realized my concept of writing in most of my blog posts. It's multi-definition. My posts somehow have bits of everything as I tend to write about lots of things in my mind but each of the bits actually refers to the title. It's sort of ambiguous at times. I guess it's true, everything is not what is seems...sometimes, that is...