never let me go

Sorry about this late post. Been busy with adjusting myself in the past few days.. and also with the open house that we had yesterday. I have partially recovered from the fatigue, heh. And during the open house yesterday, some medic seniors actually teased me about our posts on FB. Well, you started it first :P

My hug-giver :)

The title of this post is for me to tease Akmal Aliff's separation anxiety which he developed in our 2nd year :P When we had Izzuddin Iliyes as our naqib, he mentioned that his daughter Amirah Mujahidah illustrated some signs of separation anxiety and I told Akmal Aliff that it's basically what he had when I left him alone. Hahaha.

One of the things that he likes to do is to interrupt me at inappropriate times ;P

On the day of your departure, I thought it was pretty obvious I was going to appear some time during the course of the day (before you went through security that is). Because I didn't see you at all (intentionally..cause I was going to meet you at the airport anyway) after we had dinner the night before. I figured that would probably be the biggest hint. Come on la Akmal, takkan aku nak biarkan kau balik tanpa jumpa aku.

When I saw you at the airport, I wanted to cover your eyes from the back like I'd usually do with some of my friends. But since you were walking rather quickly, I simply had to startle you. Kah3, sorry about that.

Anyway, I could write so many things about you but I think I'll just write some things which I would like to make myself clear, hehe.

Because you were born 27 days later than me, I always think that I need to look after you throughout the times we were in Nottingham. Kononnya la kan. Padahal diri aku sendiri pon tak terjaga. Haha. 

Muka tipikal "malas nak layan" aku kat Akmal Aliff

Masa 2nd year, kau selalu bagitau cerita-cerita sedih kat aku. Pastu, aku sedar yang kau ni banyak jugak benda-benda yang membuatkan kau down. It was at that point that I promised myself not to tell you about my own sad stories. Ada je la a few stuff yang aku cerita kat kau yang sedih, contohnya result BMedSci project yang teruk masa 3rd year but most of the time, aku cuba untuk tak cerita kat kau. Because you already had enough in your own life.. which was why I didn't tell you at all about my biggest challenge in life to date - the triple failures of 4th year that put me on the verge of suspension.

Because of that promise I made, I ended up telling you the happy things in my life. Hehe. Like when I won the poster competition in 3rd year at King's Mill Hospital, I called you immediately and it was quite silly because it was nothing grand :P Or when I got full marks for my CFU - Community Follow Up presentation, I showed you my marksheet or when I successfully performed the Moro reflex on a baby during Paeds, I happily explained to you about it and even showed you the video on YouTube. Baru sedar aku banyak cerita kat kau pasal benda medic, sian kau haha. Well, kau pon cite kat aku pasal bende engineering jugak hehe. Takpela, nanti aku bagitau kau bila aku nak kahwin nanti ^_^

When I failed in my 4th year, I actually wanted to take a reduced workload in our usrah session for the juniors. I didn't mention anything about my failures but you sort of knew what was going through in my mind and you didn't give me that many tasks really during the period of Jan-May 2013 which I really appreciated. Kau pulak dah la final year :') So thank you sebab tak bagi aku banyak kerja. And I just have to say that you were a really awesome naqib. I told Hosni that you should've become the lead naqib earlier. Maybe that's the reason why Nottingham is like this; because I wasn't good enough, wallahualam. I actually envisioned you becoming a really great murabbi in the future, inshaAllah.

Panjangya post ni. Ok, just one last thing. It's about why I requested to become the imam during Isyak at the airport :D

Sebab aku nak bacakan 2 ayat ni untuk kau. Sort of pesanan terakhir aku sebelum kau balik Malaysia:

Al-Baqarah, 2:216

Aku nak kau ingat yang walau apa pun berlaku dalam hidup, bersangka baiklah dengan Allah. Sebab ayat ni membawa mesej yang sangat positif. Dan aku nak kau sentiasa cekal & tabah dengan segala cabaran yang bakal kau hadapi kat Malaysia. It's soooo challenging, so stay strong.

At-Taubah, 9:41

Ayat ni agak popular. Infiru..Berangkatlah.. Berangkatlah Akmal Aliff, baik dengan rasa ringan maupun dengan rasa berat. Jangan berhenti okay. Keep on going & sentiasa jaga hubungan dengan Allah. Kalau rasa down, pergi ziarah ikhwah kat KL tu. Ramai kann.

Okay, tu je kot. Sat lagi nak pergi Manchester dah. Sorry sebab aku tak cakap banyak waktu kat airport. Thinking back, I never really said anything to any of my friends whom I said goodbye to and even if I did, it won't be that much.

Thanks sebab bawa usrah dengan aku for 2 years, thanks sebab jadi usrahmate aku sejak 1st year and thanks sebab selalu peluk aku :')

You always say that I don't hug you back when you give me one. The truth is, you got my hands pinned down most of the time. Huhu.

"I take his hand, holding on tightly..and dreading the moment when I will finally have to let go."

Take care Akmal Aliff. I will see you again inshaAllah...

long night

This is a post dedicated to Ahmad Syafiq Hamzi. This story happened exactly 2 weeks ago when we went to I'tikaf Perdana IKRAM UKE 1434H. Being medical students, people tend to approach us and ask us all these questions about their health..which is fine but it should be noted that we are not qualified yet to be trusted upon.

So he came to me and asked about the sudden onset pain which occurred at the 1st MTP (metatarsaphalangeal joint) which is the joint which your big toe bends at the foot. It was swollen and quite warm. He couldn't recall any trauma or anything that might be causing the pain. My top diagnosis - GOUT.

Because everything that he mentioned to me was very classical of this condition:

1st MTP (common site), sudden onset pain, swollen & hot.

It wasn't that severe when he first presented in the afternoon but after Subuh the following day (on Sunday), it was pretty severe. Everyone already went to sleep because most of us were awake the other night. And Capek was practically limping. He can only mobilised with the help of another person as a support.

(I feel like I'm writing a case report)

He said that the pain was so severe and from what I've learnt about gout in final year is that, the pain can be really dreadful. So, I knew it was time for him to go to A&E (Accidents and Emergencies). 

I was the one who went with him since Hosni had to stay to oversee the programme. And when we arrived, I was surprised that we get to see the nurse pretty quick. I'm sorry Capek but although you were in pain, I was pretty excited to see a real life clinical scenario happening in front of me. All the questions that the nurse asked were relevant and it's technically how I myself would approach the problem. I also told Capek to keep my identity as a medical student a secret since I didn't look forward to being questioned by Leeds consultants. 

After that, he had an X-Ray in which I was..
"What?! That wouldn't show much. You should aspirate it!" 
Lol. All of these were my inner monologues. I guess they just want to do the X-ray to exclude other possible reasons for the pain. 

Then, the long wait comes. It was soooo long, I actually thought Capek was hallucinating :P He had a stronger painkiller (codeine) when we initially arrived which could explain his hallucinations. Me on the other hand, learned to sleep by using my arms to support my head..which actually worked.

After about I don't know for how long, the doctor came and talked to us. It was gout! Yeay, I was right. Haha. And Capek was given diclofenac (strong painkillers) and was told to go to see his GP as soon a possible in which he didn't because he's leaving the UK in the next 2 weeks which is today!

It had always been a dream of Capek to be featured on my blog. So here you go! Lol. He actually said that he had a dream of me writing about him on beingme xp

I knew that you were happy that I came with you to A&E. Well, since you're leaving soon, and even if I had to go to the A&E to spend some time with you before you're back for good in Malaysia, then let it be. You'd do the same right? But you'd be bored to death to hear the medical jargons. Hahaha.

Have a safe flight today! Take care, make lots of doa whist on the flight. Thanks for everything and today, I made your dream come true ;P sort of...

summer sunshine

Hello everyone!

It's Ramadhan as you know it. And of course, I tend to make myself busy in this blessed month hence the reason why being me hasn't been updated for sooo long.

This post is actually about my trip to London last month. I haven't met Aiman Ismail for so long and it was time for me to meet up with some of my friends whom I haven't met during my falling period of Jan-May 2013. Yeap, it's a pretty long period for a self-administered social lockdown. As you've probably read, I was punishing myself for my failures in Nov 2012. 

That's that. Let's talk about the trip :D

Jaulah pre-Ramadhan 1434H

Adlan Wafi - Muhsin - Faiz Sahri - Izzat Fahimuddin - Munir Naqiuddin - Aiman Ismail - Syukri Choki2

(susunan mengikut kedudukan dalam Estima :P)

6-7th July 2013

I arrived in London on Friday, 5th of July. It also marked the first time I arrived in Finsbury Park. I don't know why..but despite the fact that I have so many friends in London (and a lot of them have gone back to Malaysia), I've never actually been there..which is sad in a way because I could have spent time with them during the previous years & we could've done so many things together. Oh well, it is all part of Allah's master plans.

The original plan was for me to hang out in their house for a day and go back to Notts on Saturday. But noooo, instead of that, I became the driver for our Jaulah which also marked the first time I drive in the UK with my full driving licence. 

Us :)

On Sat, 6th of July 2013, here are the things that we did..

Yeap, driving for the first time with a full licence

I went strawberry-picking for the first time. It's something which I've always wanted to do but never got the chance to, until last month

The picnic before the strawberry-picking

Along the way

Them :)

Then, we went punting in Oxford

Violence against a child

Whilst waiting in the queue

Sunshine

I just have to say that I like this photo

Post-punting

And I have to say that Abang Faiz really do have some crazy fun ideas

And on Sun, 7th of July, we went to Ashford because they wanted to go shopping. I wanted to go there just so I can spend time with them, huhu. Later in the afternoon, we went to the demonstration in solidarity with Morsi and Egypt..

We had lunch at Tuk Tuk with ikhwah from Soton

And it was time to return the Estima back to the owner, Pak Cik Azman who happily lent it to us

It should be mentioned though that before we sat at the table, everyone except me was worried that I might miss the train back to Nottingham at 9.30pm. I wasn't worried at all since I can simply catch the next train, heh. They on the other hand were checking their phones for the next possible train and thinking of the best way to get me to London St Pancras Station in the quickest way. So yeah, none of those faces in the photo above were smiling if it was taken a few minutes earlier.

When we arrived at the nearest tube station from Pak Cik Azman's house, I told Syuk that, "Kelakar la, semua orang risau kecuali aku". 

And he replied, "Adlan, inilah yang dinamakan ukhuwah" with a matter-of-fact tone.

I commented, "I know.. and I like it :D".

Long story short, we made it to St Pancras for me to catch the train at 10.30pm and since the ticket that I have wasn't valid for this train, I had to buy a new one. And ikhwah being ikhwah, they just have to buy the ticket for me. So sweet, haha.

And Akmal Hayat was too kind for being the person who picked me up from the station when I arrived on Friday and to send me off on Sunday (alongside Aiman that is).

By the way, our jaulah was showcased in a local newspaper in Malaysia :P

Let me share with you something that I heard from Imam Adam Jamal of Iqra Centre during I'tikaf Perdana IKRAM UKE 1434H last weekend:

"A believer always wants to be with good company"

Well, guess what? You guys are good company. Hopefully, wherever you guys are, you would provide the ambiance and illustrate qudwah hasanah naturally to those around you. So the people around you would experience the good company which I felt when I spent time with you guys.

I've always been jealous with Londoners and their epic jaulah. Cause I don't get to experience that at all. But going on a jaulah with you guys, at least dapat la tempias sikit-sikit, heh. 

And don't you think it's unique how the members of our jaulah are made of? It's made up of people who are BFG (back for good), people who I haven't known that much and people who I've known all along. I'm thankful that I've gotten to know you guys better and thanks for letting me be part of it :)

Alhamdulillah ala kulli haal. Thank you Allah for giving me a great weekend.

And the summer sunshine would bear witness of the times that we spent together during the days leading up to Ramadhan...

against all odds

Today, I can officially say,

"Hello, my name's Wafi Ramli and I'm a Final Year Medical student"

Just being able to say it is just so surreal. It's such a wonderful feeling (^^,)

This has been on my whiteboard since January till May. It was my motto during my fall.

The Story

"Against all odds, Adlan Wafi is still alive. Wafi should be relieved, but now there are whispers of a rebellion against the Capitol (Medical School) - a rebellion that Wafi may have helped create.

As the nation watches Wafi, the stakes are higher than ever. One false move and the consequences will be unimaginable."

It feels like a huge boulder which I have been carrying since the 4th of January has been lifted off my back. 7 exams.. who would've thought I'd make it through. I made it, I survived May #PrayForMay 

The Journey

I have to admit, it wasn't easy studying from January till May. I sort of prevented myself from meeting my friends, avoided social activities, promised myself not to go travelling anywhere during my holiday. I guess these are all the punishments that I set for myself, for failing 75 credits and for being 5 credits away from suspension.

I was pretty selfish, haha. I had to prioritise my studying time on top of most things. Thankfully I have friends who were supportive but I also have some people who just wouldn't understand. 

The OCD

I've always had these obsessions in my mind since the day I learned my Nov results: 

"What if I had to be suspended and be left behind?", 

"What if I had to graduate a year later?" 

These thoughts kept recurring in my mind to be honest and the following thoughts commenced; 

"How do I extend my visa?", 

"Will MARA lengthen my period of study?", 

"Will they still give me allowance?",

"What work will I be doing in the period of 1 year?"

"Should I apply for work now?"

"Nanti diorang graduate without me"

And I actually applied for a job (part-time) just to be safe. It's sad. These are some of the things which I bet you didn't think that I actually have gone through.

When there are obsessions, there are compulsions:

I would be pacing in my room from minutes up to an hour the most (1 hour max because I still conscious of the fact that I need to study). 

I would be staring outside of my window when I got tired of pacing. When I was no longer tired, I would continue pacing.

Hmm.. writing these down made me think that I might actually have experienced some mild form of OCD & should probably have filled in the extenuating circumstances form.

Tapi dah pass and I don't have these thoughts anymore :)

The Push

I was pretty depressed throughout the process leading up to May. But my cheerful face doesn't seem to portray the feelings that I contained.

Did you know what gave me the push?

To learn that there are others who were in the same position as I was.

It was on a fateful day that I learned a friend of mine in my year actually failed the exact assessments as I did. It's not to make me feel that I'm not the worst person in my year but rather it made me feel that I'm not alone.

That's all that I need to tell myself. That I'm not alone as a few people also experienced the hindrances that I faced. And if they can make it through, why shouldn't I? I mean, these people were pretty optimistic so it was inspiring for me to see them being so uplifted during the months leading up to May. That gave me the drive to continue to strive.

Yeah, just to remind myself that if they can do it, I should be able to do it too.

The Exam Week 13.5.13

I just want to say thank you to everyone from mian who came to the library during the critical period. I really need you guys to ask me questions like crazy. 

The Wednesday

It was the worst exam experience ever. I had 3 exams on that day beginning with Obs and Gynae (resit) in the morning, followed by Psychiatry and Healthcare of the Elderly in the afternoon.

Or in other words which I explained to my family, "Dari orang mengandung ke orang sakit mental ke orang tua"

And when my Dad asked me, "Camne Wafi buat tu?"

I said "Entah" cause it's unbelievable I made it through the day.

I promised myself that I'm not going to forget that day & going to imprint the memory and relive the feelings whenever I doubt myself in the future. Cause it was the most inspirational moment in the exam week.

The Doa and Wishes

It was on Wednesday morning that I began telling myself that I made a mistake for resitting Obs and Gynae in May. That I should do something to postpone my exams.

Then I realized the power of doa. I need my friends to pray for me. 

And so I put up this status on FB because I really need people's support ESPECIALLY on that Wednesday. Thank you everyone for your doa, wishes and support :)

The 1 Month Holiday

I could actually do all of these but I didn't:

Study for Paeds - I didn't study that much because I know I'm the only one from mian who had to study and knowing this made me upset so I spent a lot of time with my family while I can during the holiday.

Apply for electives - In the back of my mind, there's always this voice telling me that there is a chance that I might fail Obs and Gynae again. So yeah, I didn't do much research on this part.

Study for MDD (Musculoskeletal Disorders and Disability) - I received an email saying that I had to revise during the holiday?? Gilo. I didn't even open the file because again, I don't even know I would make it into Final Year.

Instead of these 3 things, I actually spent a lot of time with my family and friends :)

And of course, food. I had Nasi Lemak almost everyday, no kidding!

The Day of Revelation

14.6.13

Kau seriously ingat aku akan bukak 7 pdf files? No way. Last time I did that, I got 3 Reds (failed assessments). So I had to ask someone who would open them up for me. Obviously it would be Faiz Khalid.

Firstly, these were his text messages which he sent after checking my results for me:

Cuba teka apa perasaan lepas tu? 

Terus tak nak bukak. Because Mak Su has invited us to go out for dinner and I didn't want to dine out in a somber mood. So, I decided to check when I get back home but he sent me a text message a few minutes later after the one above:

And I asked him directly if I actually passed ALL?

In which he replied: 

"U passed all!"

I dropped to the floor in disbelief. Then confetti started coming down from the ceiling, spotlights on me and the victory song was played out loud. If you wanna know how my reaction was, it's practically like how Jessica Robinson found out she became the first person to win 1 million dollars on Deal or No Deal (US).

I thanked Allah first and foremost. After a few minutes when I have came to my senses I checked the 7 pdf files quickly and found out I got 3 Greens (Distinctions) out of the 7. How cool is that! Alhamdulillah, I got Distinction for the Obs and Gynae Skills and Double Distinctions for Double Exams of Specials. Budak yang fail dapat Distinction. Take that Medical School!! 

The Happy Ending

Allah gave me my happy ending. I found my silver linings, alhamdulillah. It was the best possible outcome :)

My Story

I once told Amir Fikri that me failing my exams is the most difficult challenge in my life thus far and no one would want to make a film/novel about me since it's so boring. Then, I rethought about what I said, realizing how foolish I was for saying that and took them back commenting that it's good that this was my biggest challenge in life because I don't think I could survive something worse. Naudzubillah hi mindzalik. These challenges that we face in our lives are designed specifically for us to make us stronger, for us to learn and be better in the future. Allah is indeed the best planner.

And my story may not be as inspiring as John Nash with schizophrenia, Aya Kito who had spinocerebellar degeneration or Michael Oher with his struggles in life and eventually becoming an NFL player for the Baltimore Ravens. But it's inspiring enough for me to make me feel grateful for everything that I have in life. I will remember this for the rest of my life, inshaAllah.

"The world will break your heart ten ways to Sunday, that's guaranteed. And I can't begin to explain that or the craziness inside myself and everybody else, but guess what? Sunday is my favorite day again. I think of everything everyone did for me and I feel like..a very lucky guy!"

I am fortunate to have my Mum and Dad who love me so much, my family who never stops giving support in any challenges that I faced, my friends who were crazy enough to believe in me, my teachers who are still praying for me since KMB, my readers who keep wishing me the very best and a lot of people who simply want me to do well.

So thank you Allah for giving them to me...

figure 8

You know how much I love you

Infinity

Well, infinity times infinity

8 is the symbol used to depict infinity. It's probably the figure that can best describe what is going to happen on the Day of Revelation..because I have no idea what is destined for me in the future; but my decisions thereon is going to be based on the outcome of the day. And indeed, Allah knows best.

*This post is just about me, hence the title of the blog - being me. So, if you're looking for something worthwhile, this is probably not the one to be read. 

 These are what me, Syakir, Iman, Aida and Fatimah originally meant to face in May

What Hosni, Madihah & Arina had to attempt at the same time

Because of what happened in November, this is my revised exam timetable. There's only 1 row which is not highlighted. 

8 is the number of pdf files that I have to open on the Day of Revelation.

Sure, technically I only have to open 7 pdf files since I already know the result for 1 of them but I still need to check it to find out where I stand in terms of my ranking since Nov has really pulled me down. I just noticed that I was the fourth to last person in one of the assessments in Nov.

Let's make it easier by listing down the possible outcomes on the Day of Revelation:

1. Happy Ending

This would mean I pass all 7 exams. I enter 5th Year on Monday next week. I only have one resit left - Paediatrics Knowledge in Nov 2013. I have my elective period fully intact. I will graduate in 2014. 

InshaAllah biiznillah

2. Additional penalties

This would mean I have additional number of failures from the modules of this semester:

Psychiatry - Knowledge and Skills

Healthcare of the Elderly - Knowledge

Specials - Knowledge and Skills

Any of these 5 exams can be detrimental because additional number of resits in November 2013 can be burdening since I already have one 25 credit assessment (Paeds) waiting and the Situational Judgment Test coming up in Dec 2013 & Finals in Feb 2014.

3. Relive the horror

A second failure of the Obs and Gynae module. Which means 1 failure away from being kicked out of medical school. Which means reduction in the number of weeks from the elective period. Which means having to study this module all over again.

I was crazy to take the 50 credit module at the same time with these already mentally-challenging 3 new modules.

4. Suspension

To make it into 5th Year, I need to pass at least 100 credits. Failure to meet this condition will result into a suspension for a period of 1 year. This is more or less equivalent to the "repeat year" which you heard every now and then from other medical students. 

Well, it's not really "repeat year" in Nottingham. You would be suspended and during that period of waiting you have to study for the modules that you've failed whilst you watch your peers moving onto their Final Year. Every medical school has its own shenanigans. This is Nottingham's.

Yeah, when I asked you to pray that "no one gets left behind", I was referring to me. Because I know everyone from my group - Iman, Syakir, Aida and Fatimah already have enough credits to enter 5th Year. And the situation is similar with the other people from the other group - Madihah and Hosni. Well, I do know that some of them failed one assessment but it's very unlikely they're going to screw it up, thus making me the only one vulnerable.

I took 2 resits.

I had triple exams in one day for 3 different modules.

I was unable to say, "Yeay, satu je OSCE sem ni!".

5. Alternative career

I don't want to write about this but it has been in my mind since the 4th of January. They kept recurring intermittently. They're sort of like mild obsessions.

Lastly, I just want to address the people who judged me throughout my experience. 

If you never failed any exams,

If you never had to resit at the same time as your first-sit exams,

If you never had any incidents that put you on the verge of losing your career, 

I don't think you have the right to judge me.

And wearing waistcoats and putting on my transitions glasses and eating tubs of ice cream and calling my friends on my phone whenever I want to and dressing smartly and buying KFC for my housemates and other things that I did/do actually make me feel better. So why can't you just let me be happy?

It's not like I was doing anything illegal/wrong/immoral. No, you wouldn't understand. Period.

I currently have 0 number of modules which I passed. 

Do you know how that feels? 

Thought so...

don't stop believin'

Hello readers,

I made this during the Occupational Therapy session ^_^

Guess what I did this afternoon? I've been running around my house telling my housemates that I passed my coursework. Let me rephrase that, I "THINK" I pass my coursework. In fact, this was what I said, "Aku rasa aku pass coursework aku" and then, I grinned like an idiot. So sad, I know. Pass coursework pon nak bagitau semua orang -_-"

Let me explain to you why I said, I "think":

Firstly, I noticed this news on our website..

..which technically means my MARKS will be available in the logbook. 

Secondly, my friends who did the module earlier told me that if you failed, you'd receive an email after 2 weeks of submission asking you to redo the coursework. And I didn't received any email till now but I didn't want to hold onto a false hope so I just assumed I haven't passed. Nonetheless, since I saw this news (the screenshot), I pretty much certain that I've passed my final coursework as a medical student. Alhamdulillah!!!

I'm so happy, thank you Allah. 4th Year has been a rough period (but first half of Year 3 was and will always be the worst). Huhu, I'm just so thankful right now.

Technically I have passed 25 credits (Paediatrics Skills) + 2/3 of 20 credits (HCE, Healthcare of the Elderly) = 38.3333333 credits for 4th Year, yeay! Just 141.666667 credits to go -_-"

But I'm happy really. I really need these silver linings to keep me going for the exams in the next 2 weeks. I know, maybe you would question whether I would be happy if my marks are not that high. Guess what? I think I would. 

Imagine this - someone who loves cheesecakes and hasn't had cheesecakes for years because he lives in a country without cheesecakes.

Guess what would make him/her happy? 
Fish and chips?
Tetttt. Wrong answer.

I am the person who hasn't had cheesecakes for years! I am more than happy to pass :)

I have failed so much in November that a mere pass is enough to make me smile. Don't get me wrong, my performance was definitely 1st class. Meaning.. my effort is the best that I can give but the result; is up to Allah to decide.

And almost anything that makes me happy during this period leading up to 13th of May would boost my morale. One of them would be the tile (featured photo) that I made whilst doing Psychiatry in Derby and another would be the inspirational comment given by a lovely lady which I put up on FB:

By the way, I don't actually know my actual marks. I really hope I pass. Would be so awkward if I didn't, haha. So yeah, just follow my updates on Twitter to find out more.

Silver linings keep coming my way. I really hope these 7 exams in May will be my future silver linings as well...

misery business

Today, I received an email that got on my nerves.

You see, I always try my best to attend Jumu'ah prayer (Friday prayer) ever since coming to the UK in 2009. Sure, there have been a few occasions where I was unable to attend due to lectures, surgery or emergency and by "a few", i mean extremely rarely. 

And now that I'm currently in the final specialty of Year 4 - Psychiatry (Yeay!), I noticed that the Central Teaching sessions begin usually at 1.30pm on Fridays. And this will be going on for the next 5 Fridays beginning this week. So obviously this is a huge deal for me!

Before I start telling you my story, there are 3 characters in my story: Me, NL (nice lady) and EL (evil lady).

The story begins with me emailing NL because she's the admin at RDH:

Hello, 

I noticed that the Central Teachings on Friday usually commence at 1.30pm for the afternoon session. However, on Fridays, I would have to attend the Friday prayer which is held at the Prayer Room at Royal Derby Hospital. It usually starts around 1.10pm and ends at about 1.45pm. Hence, would it be possible for me to arrive later for the afternoon session of the Central Teachings? 

Thank you. 

Best wishes, 

Wafi

After a few hours, I received the reply from NL:

Hi Adlan, 

With reference to your query about attending Friday prayers, you may attend them. However, please be mindful of the email below sent from Faculty. I hope this will not affect your study. 

Best wishes, 

NL 

______________________________________________________________________

From: EL 

Sent: Monday, April 08, 2013 10:53 AM 

To: NL

Subject: Student and prayer time 

Hi NL, The Capitol has said that it is ok but it has to be made very clear to him that he is missing valuable teaching time and that he has no come back if he fails as a result of missing this. 

Best wishes, 

EL

Ok cuba teka apa perasaan saya lepas dapat email ni?

A. Angry

B. Feels like setting fires

C. Time to start a rebellion

Yes, tepat sekali. It's so easy for people to get on my nerves nowadays and especially with my rebellious nature, it's even much easier. And Hosni is in my room right now getting on my nerves as I write this post because that's his favourite pastime.

Anyway, I feel offended when I got the email. EL could have rephrased the email in a way that could have been more polite and sensitive. Just because I failed in the past doesn't mean I will fail again. And what does "come back" even mean? I also find it offensive that she used colloquial language towards me who's using English as a second language.

It was a few moments later that I received the final email for this story which definitely made my day from NL:

A prayer :)

Terus padam segala api kemarahan dalam diri. Astagfirullah.

A prayer, a reminder that Allah is the one who will determine my result. A reminder that I have to try my best in my endeavours. A reminder that there is hope and that Allah is always with us.

So yeah, with this email, I would like to start a campaign called,  

PRAY FOR MAY

Twitter hashtag: #prayformay

Yeah, ever heard a hadith that sounds like this:

"…the dua of a muslim for his brother (in Islam) in his absence is readily accepted, and an angel is appointed to his side, whenever he makes a beneficial dua for his brother the appointed angel says “Ameen and may you also be blessed with the same” " [Muslim]

So please, pray for me and pray for us. Huhu.

Another take home message is, be adamant when it comes to you being izzah. Try your best to fulfill your duties as a Muslim especially when you're not in a country that practices Islam. And if you're living in a Muslim country, be grateful cause it's easy for you to showcase your love to Allah. Highlight your izzah to the world. Show it to everyone.  Be proud, say it loud...

if i die young

Today, I received a grave news regarding an akh which I have known since my 1st year in the UK. Although he was born in the same year as I was, he's always been so cool, so knowledgeable and so inspiring.

I remembered the times during various conferences in which I found myself observing him from a distance with other ikhwah from London. It has become a trait of mine to be an audience of "Drama Kehidupan" - a trait which I learned from my first naqib. 

Anyway, there was one daurah in Malaysia when there weren't any seniors from London but him to look after the younglings of the same locality (I was a youngling too at that time). He was just so calm and dependable. All of these Londoners seemed to look up to him. Me on the other hand, was wishing that I have someone like him from Nottingham because I kept finding myself alone without someone to look after me and I do sometimes wish that I was studying in London instead of Nottingham. It was just a few moments later when he came towards me personally to check if I was okay. 

Huhu. 

He has always been one of the people that I look up to. I know, I'm not that close to him but these few momentary events involving him were meaningful enough for them to be enlivened in my mind. It's probably because we were united under the same cause.

His death made me cognizant of all the silly things I did in my life. It reminded me that I still have time to right my wrongs..that I still have time to act, to actually contribute.

Life is too short to worry about petty things. It's usually when someone else's is over that you realize how trivial your issue was.

Dear Muhd Nur Iman Shafiq Abd Rahman, you always have and always will be an inspiration to everyone you have touched in your life especially to those in this road less traveled by. May your life and death be an ibrah to us..and I pray that you will be in Allah's blessings~

p.s. Still remember the time when you woke me up for Subuh during a daurah by calling me, "Wafi". Your tone of voice filled with care and concern; reminded me that I too have someone who looks after me...