figure 8

You know how much I love you

Infinity

Well, infinity times infinity

8 is the symbol used to depict infinity. It's probably the figure that can best describe what is going to happen on the Day of Revelation..because I have no idea what is destined for me in the future; but my decisions thereon is going to be based on the outcome of the day. And indeed, Allah knows best.

*This post is just about me, hence the title of the blog - being me. So, if you're looking for something worthwhile, this is probably not the one to be read. 

 These are what me, Syakir, Iman, Aida and Fatimah originally meant to face in May

What Hosni, Madihah & Arina had to attempt at the same time

Because of what happened in November, this is my revised exam timetable. There's only 1 row which is not highlighted. 

8 is the number of pdf files that I have to open on the Day of Revelation.

Sure, technically I only have to open 7 pdf files since I already know the result for 1 of them but I still need to check it to find out where I stand in terms of my ranking since Nov has really pulled me down. I just noticed that I was the fourth to last person in one of the assessments in Nov.

Let's make it easier by listing down the possible outcomes on the Day of Revelation:

1. Happy Ending

This would mean I pass all 7 exams. I enter 5th Year on Monday next week. I only have one resit left - Paediatrics Knowledge in Nov 2013. I have my elective period fully intact. I will graduate in 2014. 

InshaAllah biiznillah

2. Additional penalties

This would mean I have additional number of failures from the modules of this semester:

Psychiatry - Knowledge and Skills

Healthcare of the Elderly - Knowledge

Specials - Knowledge and Skills

Any of these 5 exams can be detrimental because additional number of resits in November 2013 can be burdening since I already have one 25 credit assessment (Paeds) waiting and the Situational Judgment Test coming up in Dec 2013 & Finals in Feb 2014.

3. Relive the horror

A second failure of the Obs and Gynae module. Which means 1 failure away from being kicked out of medical school. Which means reduction in the number of weeks from the elective period. Which means having to study this module all over again.

I was crazy to take the 50 credit module at the same time with these already mentally-challenging 3 new modules.

4. Suspension

To make it into 5th Year, I need to pass at least 100 credits. Failure to meet this condition will result into a suspension for a period of 1 year. This is more or less equivalent to the "repeat year" which you heard every now and then from other medical students. 

Well, it's not really "repeat year" in Nottingham. You would be suspended and during that period of waiting you have to study for the modules that you've failed whilst you watch your peers moving onto their Final Year. Every medical school has its own shenanigans. This is Nottingham's.

Yeah, when I asked you to pray that "no one gets left behind", I was referring to me. Because I know everyone from my group - Iman, Syakir, Aida and Fatimah already have enough credits to enter 5th Year. And the situation is similar with the other people from the other group - Madihah and Hosni. Well, I do know that some of them failed one assessment but it's very unlikely they're going to screw it up, thus making me the only one vulnerable.

I took 2 resits.

I had triple exams in one day for 3 different modules.

I was unable to say, "Yeay, satu je OSCE sem ni!".

5. Alternative career

I don't want to write about this but it has been in my mind since the 4th of January. They kept recurring intermittently. They're sort of like mild obsessions.

Lastly, I just want to address the people who judged me throughout my experience. 

If you never failed any exams,

If you never had to resit at the same time as your first-sit exams,

If you never had any incidents that put you on the verge of losing your career, 

I don't think you have the right to judge me.

And wearing waistcoats and putting on my transitions glasses and eating tubs of ice cream and calling my friends on my phone whenever I want to and dressing smartly and buying KFC for my housemates and other things that I did/do actually make me feel better. So why can't you just let me be happy?

It's not like I was doing anything illegal/wrong/immoral. No, you wouldn't understand. Period.

I currently have 0 number of modules which I passed. 

Do you know how that feels? 

Thought so...