circus

I've been so stressful but my usrahmates are making me feel much at ease alhamdulillah.

This is the story of #FebFinals.

I chose the name of this post as it is because that's what our OSCEs were described as in King's Mill Hospital, Mansfield.

Definition of circus

thefreedictionary.com

cir·cus (sûr′kəs)

noun

1. a public entertainment consisting typically of a variety of performances by acrobats, clowns, and trained animals

2. an oval or circular arena, usually tented and surrounded by tiers of seats, in which such a performance is held

3. a person or group of people whose behaviour is wild, disorganized, or (esp unintentionally) comic

I have to say that all of the above reflects what happened on Tuesday & Wednesday.

OSCE 1

Honours stations (well, I need to motivate myself after the tough 2 days):

DRE (Digital rectal examination) - perfection with a capital P
ABPI (Ankle Branchial Pressure Index) - finished in less than 5 minutes 
Abdominal - Got a pat on the back from the consultant and he said "Well done!"
Cardiovascular - my current future career aim, got the diagnosis

Blunder stations (the ones that I'm worried about):
I've done some editing because I need to stay positive. I put the reasons of why I should pass that station after my explanation in case my medical school finds my blog.

Source: here

Acute - Didn't give antibiotics, wasn't vocal enough BUT I was competent in a way that I did the ABC assessment, mentioned ABG and correctly diagnosed the condition. I even picked up the correct fluids and cannula whereas other people simply mentioned them.

Source: here

SBAR Phone call - No structure, lots of silence and "I'm sorry but I couldn't think of any right now" BUT I correctly diagnosed the condition, decided to give the right medication (diuretic) and proved to the examiner that I have AWESOME short-term memory which is going to be useful for real-life scenarios. You can't fail someone with a GREAT short-term memory okay!!

Source: here

IM injection - The most emotionally-challenged station, on the verge of breaking down BUT I showed my utter regret for doing the mistake, proved that I would start again, mentioned everything VERBATIM according to the mark scheme and didn't stab myself.

Source: here

Hand exam - I put this initially as a confirmed PASS but before I went to sleep that night, I realized that I didn't do enough tests, so I ended up being restless for an additional 15 minutes before I managed to fall asleep. And I had to wake up early for OSCE 2 the following morning BUT I was really confident, smiled throughout the process, did all sensorimotor assessments and the patient was happy to have me examined her. She even wished me "Good luck!".

Sorry for the capitalized words. I think I need to convince myself more than anything right now. Hard to focus when you have self-doubtism.

OSCE 2

I've already had my first nightmare last night and I hate it. Back in first half of 4th Year (before I had failures) after the end of Obs and Gynae OSCE, I had nightmares back-to-back in the first few weeks post-exam. It was horrible..I had to relieve the exams in my dreams and sometimes I woke up feeling restless. And these nightmares even happened when my mum came to visit in December 2012. 

This dream that I had last night was not really a nightmare but it showed me going back into my final station of OSCE 2 and did everything that I should've done - I did straight leg raise, said that it might actually be bony metastasis (cancer), it might also be mechanical back pain and I would do an X-ray, possibly MRI. And I saw the examiner giving me a PASS result. The reality - I didn't do the above and I'm marking that station as a blunder. Yeah, it's just 1 station but I already missed a HUGE thing on another station and this means that I have 2 stations that I'm worried about. And I know that these nightmares are going to haunt me over & over again until the next revelation...