gone

I'm currently in my new attachment. It's called GP - General Practitioner. It's basically me going to clinics and having fun meeting patients. Moreover, I'm technically halfway to my February Finals but I'm also 6 weeks to my 2nd Chance for Paeds exam. It's scary and overwhelming at the same time. Because I'm not only dealing with my academic matters at the moment but so many others. For one, I have to rank 21 Unit of Applications (UoAs) aka the place where I will be doing my foundation training for 2 years after graduation. Vital stuff. Truth be told, when I said goodbye to my friends during the past few months, it definitely made me want to return to Malaysia even sooner -_-" But I'm realistic, so I'm going to persevere with my initial plan and I know that my friends would want me to follow my dream.

I had this on my whiteboard for months until just now..

In the past few months, I have a feeling that Allah has been giving me some hints about new characters which will play more important roles in my life - people who would be new additions into my social network. People who have played minor roles in my life previously, people who have been recurring characters in the past but they suddenly popped out of nowhere and indirectly hinting that they're going to have a bigger role in the future. Well, we just have to wait and see about that. 

This is the place where Fadhir Tahar took me when I went to visit him during my 2 week holiday. At least, I got to meet him in Newcastle whilst he was there huhu.

I feel as if my life is a drama, that I'm still the same character in the same series for years. My friends whom I've said goodbye to have move on to their own shows and spin-offs. In addition, there are also new characters introduced who are probably going to be featured in the upcoming season. 

How melodramatic.

Well, I have lost at least 10 friends over the summer. Ok, maybe "lost" is not the right word but you know what I mean. 

And these friends that I've said goodbye to; are not just random friends. They're the people who I can easily Whatsapp, text, call or FaceTime, the people who I wouldn't be embarrassed to give chocolates in public for no apparent reason, who I'd give souvenirs when I return from my trips, who I can share my secrets and know that they will keep them, who I can happily enjoy the silence between us and know that it can never be awkward (and this is very important for an introvert like me), who I can just express what I'm feeling without the fear of being judged and who I always look forward to meet when I go to our conferences or projects but now, I know that you guys won't be there & I have to get used to this..

Sure, some of my friends have left last year but it wasn't as bad as this year's. Maybe because there weren't as many as the ones who left this year. This year, it's just..too much.

So yeah, I'm sorry you have to read this. In fact, you might be reading about the same thing again and again because I just can't move on. Just kidding, I am moving on..albeit rather slowly.

Imagine losing that many close friends in a short period of time. It's crazily difficult.

People always leave and sometimes, they don't come back. But that's okay. Because we believe in Allah and we're going to work our way to attain his blessings and hopefully iA, gain entry to his Jannah.

I guess I am a bit clingy. So don't worry, you're not the only one...