nessun dorma

Ladies and gentlemen, 

Today is the start of my life as a 4th Year Medical student. I know, during the lecture today, I was actually trying to convince myself that I've actually passed my dreadful 3rd Year exams and I still think it's unbelievable that I made it through O_o

Firstly, let me talk about my 3rd Year. Nahh, I let the picture do the talking..specifically this one which I've put up on my blog for almost a year for my reference:

Won't you agree that this list is impressive? Yes, it is and no one in their right mind would like to repeat any of these. I know I don't want to experience it all again. 

The last examination was the most interesting one as it used a former type of examination known as the OSLER which involved me taking a history and examining a patient within a given period of 35 minutes followed by 10 minutes of assessment - 5 minutes of presentation & 5 minutes of Q&As. And this exam was my highest score for this year which is fantastic, alhamdulillah!

So, after a year of suffering, we were given 2 weeks (sangat sikit!) of holiday. I initially thought about staying in Nottingham and just get some rest from all the torture but noooo, I became impulsive and my plans were filled for the whole 2 weeks - I went to Edinburgh, Newcastle, Birmingham, back to Nottingham for my volunteering role, off to Durham for the Psychiatry Summer School for the Top 20 applicants, back to Birmingham for Kamal's graduation and finally back to Nottingham to find out my results on Friday. So, kepada sesiapa yang kata hidup saya bosan - sorry babe, there's not a dull moment in the life of Adlan Wafi ;)

And  now I'm a 4th Year student! It's easier to pronounce 4th rather than 3rd. You'd understand if you read my post on my university blog here.

I'm really looking forward to a year of specialties! I know, I'm always excited about the future. Guess what? Our credits rise from 120 to 200, hahaha. Crazy, I know and the total weeks of 4th year is 40 weeks with each week representing 5 credits.

And these are the specialties that I will undergo in the order that was randomly allocated by The University of Nottingham: 

Obstetrics and Gynaecology

10 weeks 

Pediatrics

10 weeks

Otorhinolaryngology

2 weeks

Ophthalmology

2 weeks

Rheumatology

4 weeks

Dermatology

2 weeks

Geriatrics

3 weeks

Psychiatry

6 weeks

I'm looking forward to Pediatrics as I love working with children and possibly Rheumatology as it's related to Immunology. And the one that I'm looking forward the most? Psychiatry of course! Too bad I had to face it at the very end of the year which means...March next year. Lambatnye...dahla 6 minggu je. Oh well, lagila memberi semangat kan?

And my 4th year results will contribute to my placement scores (for application to become a doctor after graduation) as well as for my BMBS - Bachelor of Medicine, Bachelor of Surgery degree. Awesomeness!

Adlan Wafi sedang menjadi semangat sekarang. We'll see how long I'm this enthusiastic. Hopefully, till the final exam inshaAllah. 

Hence, I can't really waste my time worrying and fretting like I did in 3rd Year. And same goes to you; especially if you're back in Malaysia this summer. You don't want to be sliced by the sword, don't you? Utilize every time that you have with goodness and don't you dare fill it with meaningless activities. This is a reminder for myself as well and till then, every moment counts...

shake it out

Alhamdulillah, today is a momentous day for 3rd Year Medical students from The University of Nottingham as we all faced our 3rd and Final revelation of this long grueling year.

The Crazy Idea

First, I shall tell you about my original plan. I initially thought about downloading the result on my iPad, find a boat, paddle far away from everyone else and do this all after Jumaah prayer. But the results were released 2 hours earlier than scheduled and I figured that I didn't want to go out now cause I have laundries to do and all. So, I checked straight away.

The Result

I passed all components alhamdulillah and decided to write this status:

What people didn't realize was that I'm also in the bottom 30% for one component...I should have probably written that on my status as well. 

You see people, prior to the examination, people around me kept saying things like..

"Knowledge boleh baca bila-bila. Skills yang susah nak develop."

Saya terkilan bila dengar orang cakap camni sebab it made me feel stupid -_-". But I don't mind though. Korang memang pandai, so cakap je la apa-apa pun. I know my place.

Yes, some people in this world are much better in skills rather than knowledge. It may be uncommon but I can tell you one of them is named Adlan Wafi. Yes, I am in so much trouble in the Knowledge part of my assessment. But I'm least worried about my skills when my friends on the other hand, were worried about the skills (don't get me wrong, I was nervous on each day of my exams as well). So, the next time Adlan Wafi wants to learn more in terms of knowledge, that's because this is not his forte. Korang bertuah, otak besar-besar, sebab tu knowledge krg excel and selalu fokus kat skills. I have to put extra effort into my knowledge section. Tau tak, I barely escaped from being in the Bottom 10%? That's how close I was to elimination.

So yeah, I am in the Top 30% for my skills and in addition, I'm in the Bottom 30% for my knowledge bringing my mark to average which I am proud of no matter what you say. By the way, my definition of proud is "happy and grateful for an achievement despite the fact that it's not a big deal according to other people". So yeah, my total is 60+. See, takdela hebat sangat kan? But I'm proud of it :)

As for my two other modules, I didn't get a First Class for one and for the other one, it's strong enough but I know that someone beat me for that module. So, I may not be in the run for the Prize which I'm okay with. A strong result is enough to make me feel happy and I hope that you become one of the nominees!

Oh yeah, I think I am finally back into the Top 50% of my batch which is awesome cause that has been my aim all this time alhamdulillah. What a great start to my 2nd degree! Once again, my average is 60+, so no need to feel jealous or anything.

And if my calculation's right, inshaAllah I'll be graduating with a 2:1 degree which is PERFECT to me. 

The Call in the Rain

I talked to my Mum in the rain this afternoon as I was really upset with something which I just came to realize. I cannot tell you all about it cause it's too personal but I just have a favour to ask of you - please pray that Adlan Wafi will be healthy and find a cure. Cause I'm just too young to have this happening to me :'(

This is the reason why I've been showing some depressive symptoms lately at home (only my housemates would realize this). And the GP wasn't that helpful either. He really needs to show more empathy!

I've called some of my friends in Malaysia today. I didn't really talk about it cause sometimes their voices weren't clear or they had to do some things. So, I don't really want to bother them with my problem and just talked about my result to keep the mood positive. 

Anyway, I'm still upset though. Can't seem to shake it out of me. I couldn't get much sleep last night because of this. My exam result was the least thing bothering me at the moment before it was released today. Ya Allah, please heal me...

joyful, joyful

I know, I've said that I shall postpone all posts until my exams are finished but I just have to tell you about this great news.

Nope, it's not me getting married; I know..so many friends of mine are tying the knot this summer.

The great news is that on Friday last week, I received an email that I am one of the 20 students who will be going to the Psychiatry Summer School in Durham this July. How cool is that?!

Initially, I received a reply from them saying that the result will be out on Thu. So, by the end of Thursday, I thought "okay, maybe it's not for me on this occasion". Apparently, I was wrong. It is my time! How happy I was when I got the email. I guess Allah wants to cheer me up after everything that I have went through, alhamdulillah.

This is a screenshot of the email. The sentence was quite difficult for me to comprehend at first. I was like, "So, does that mean I got the placement?". I had to ask Lutfi to confirm it by asking him to read it. They should write something like - "Adlan Wafi, you are going to Durham!" or "You are one of the lucky 20!". At least, these sound more like a reality show result :P

Now, I shall share my answers from the application process. Who knows? You guys might want to apply for a spot in a summer school of any other specialties.

Question 1

In up to 150 words tell us about your interest in psychiatry:

My interest in Psychiatry developed when I studied Behavioural Sciences in my 1st year. It made me curious of the fascinating ways in which our minds work. Furthermore, throughout the training at my medical school, I realised that I enjoy interacting with patients. I learned that Psychiatry is a medical specialty which involves a lot of patient engagement and excellent communication skills is one of the essential criteria for a psychiatrist. Hence, I truly consider this specialty as a potential career option. In addition, I thoroughly enjoyed a favourite module entitled Communication Skills which highlights the humanities in medicine and this perhaps contributes to my ever-growing passion in Psychiatry. My medical school probably played a role in developing my interest in Psychiatry but deep down, I simply love spending my time talking to the patient in front of me and trying my best to make them feel better.

Psychiatry is related to butterflies, seriously. But I'm not going to talk about that now. This photo was a gift from my person before I had my exam a year ago in May. I received this photo from him after I published the post "butterfly fly away". This goes to show that he's still looking after me even though he's faraway.

Question 2

In up to 150 words tell us why you want to come to our summer school:

It is common to hear discouraging comments made by medical peers towards having a career in Psychiatry. I also have a fair share of such experiences whereby friends saying that Psychiatry is not as vital or lucrative as others. Changing the perception of others may be a long term endeavour, but I wish to clarify some of the misconceptions among my colleagues by gaining a deeper insight into this specialty.

I also look forward to the evening event at a Durham restaurant as it would be interesting to engage with the professionals in a casual atmosphere and hopefully, listen to some inspirational stories. I hope that I can be more convinced in choosing Psychiatry as my future career path and inspire others who have the same passion; perhaps by writing a post on my university blog.

To be inspired and to inspire others; that’s what I’m hoping for.

To inspire others to dream high. This is another picture sent by my person a few years ago. Macam tengah promote dia punya hasil kerja pulak :P

Question 3

Have a look at the summer school programme, select a session and in up to 150 words tell us something that you hope to take away from this:

The “Research in Psychiatry” session definitely caught my eye as I am very keen in performing investigations. Ever since I had the opportunity to undertake a research project in my 3rd year, I began to wonder about the possibility of conducting research whilst having a profession. It would be great if I can be enlightened with real life examples by professionals to see how they cope with their daily schedule and performing investigations at the same time. I understand that Psychiatry comprises of various research designs which include systematic reviews, epidemiological studies as well as qualitative analysis and I would be delighted if I can have a better understanding on some of them. Furthermore, I hope to discover the topics in Psychiatry which are still in need of new findings so I can have an idea of the areas which I might be able to investigate in the future.

This is the only part of my 3rd Year dissertation that I like. The diagram that I made on Microsoft Word. That's it. The rest of the project is useless to mankind. No kidding. That's what I found out during the viva.

Before I move on, I just want to clarify something to Ahmad Lutfi Mohamad. I know I joked about some of my answers with you but I really do mean every single word that I put in my answers. I probably joked because you kept saying that it's a specialty of boredom.

You know, my passion for Psychiatry might simply be a pretense. 

Adlan Wafi's Theory

I wanted Psychiatry so bad for my 3rd Year Project. I failed and experienced the worst 8 months of my life. Got backstabbed in the end. Now, I wanted Psychiatry more than ever. It could be that I want it because I didn't get it in the first place. Have you ever experienced it? You wanted something so bad but someone prevented you from having it. Then, you want it even more just because of that hindrance. Have a think~

Anyway, my exam is next week and I promise you no posts until the end of them. The good thing is, I got so many support from my friends which I truly appreciate. I even got a phone call whilst writing this post ;D Coolness! My friends believe in me, Allah is making my day again and again. What more do I need? Just give you best Wafi and finish your 3rd year in style! 4th year will be an amazing journey inshaAllah.

Good things are happening to me lately and I'm very grateful for it. Happy days are here again...

bubbly

It's apparent that my long delay is because I was busy with the assessments of my first module for my 2nd degree - BMBS (Bachelor in Medicine, Bachelor in Surgery).

And this story entails the events occurring on the 9th of May.

The name of the module is CFU - Community Follow-up which involved me following a patient for more than a year. The assessments are via 2 of my favourites - Coursework (Awesome) and Presentation (Ultimate awesomeness). Best types of assessments ever created on this Earth.

Well anyway, I've only slept for 2 hours (and this was an unintentional sleep) and only finished my presentation that very morning after Subuh. Thankfully, I reached Mansfield before my class starts!

On the 9th of May, I have 3 missions:

1st Mission

CFU report submission - A coursework, the best assessment

The title of my report was Lean on Me and I actually asked the members of NMS (Nottingham Malaysia Society) to vote and the ones who voted unanimously chose this title. My only proofreader was Ashraf Zakwan since I didn't have enough time to recruit others. My Mum agreed to read it but yeah, I ran out of time. It's hard being a meticulous perfection-driven overachiever -_-" And when I submitted the report, it felt so good. It's the end of one module! (Not quite actually, cause I still have my 2nd mission).

 The CFU coursework

2nd Mission

CFU presentation - My first attempt on Prezi

I actually arrived late at the venue of my assessment because I was rehearsing my presentation over and over again..I only managed to finish it that very morning! Plus, Prezi's server went down in the afternoon for hours which added to my stress. It was just so nerve-racking. Just look at their tweets like this one and this one too. Try putting yourself in my shoes and see if you can relax ;P Double assessments on one day! Forgive me for all my distressing tweets and FB posts during that hectic period at night. I'm no longer in KMB and morale boosters not within a few blocks distance. So, the way for me to express myself is to type it all out via Twitter and FB.

 My presentation is about the dog I talked about in a previous post

And so the presentation; my first practice went over the maximum duration of 7 minutes. I practiced for about 7 times before getting it down to 6 minutes. I volunteered to go first cause I still have my 3rd Mission. So I presented, my tutor seemed to enjoy it and saw a lot of my friends smiling with their happy faces. I was like, "Alhamdulillah, they love it!" My tutor, Dr Anisa commented "You talked really fast" and I replied "You taught me that". She laughed. I didn't even went over 6 minutes! Moreover, Prezi was really good at attracting people's attention. This was my only presentation which was assessed; so it's important for me to bring out my A game. I honestly think I did, alhamdulillah.

3rd Mission

Nottingham Advantage Award Celebration Event

This is my 2nd (and the last) invitation to the event after the one last year when I completed my research for NUSA. It was definitely a posh event as the one last year & I really love the food. There weren't any cakes to my disappointment but they have these nice tarts with cheese and mushrooms. I had like almost 10 of them and that was practically my lunch. I've finally received the recognition for my Nottingham Advantage Award, alhamdulillah. 

 The 3 modules

It was a great ending to my 2 year journey. Of course, I've already begun my next chapter. After my contract as a Student Blogger for The University of Nottingham ends, I can focus fully on being an Independent Visitor for Barnardo's. This was the interview that I talked about on my birthday last year. As you can see, saya memang tak boleh duduk diam. Mesti je nak buat something else -_-" which is not entirely good for me cause I'm not really an A++ student. Not anymore that is. I'm a struggler nowadays. But struggler shall I be as I don't give up that easily.

 Although there were no cakes, we all got a cupcake in which I said to myself "Awesome!" when I got it cause it looked so good

-3 Missions Completed-

I just want to say that it was a really great day for me. I was happy on that day throughout despite being sleep-deprived like a contestant on The Amazing Race. What I want to highlight before I go to sleep is..

I felt really happy when I completed each of my missions on this day especially my 2nd one cause it's really rewarding to see the smiles on the happy faces of my tutor & friends when I finished my presentation. You could see it on my face as well. I had this satisfying look on my face. Bukan bangga tak ingat dunia ye. Once again, vanity is dangerous my dear readers.

After the 2nd mission, I instantaneously remembered the verses of Al-Gahshiyah, 88:8-9 because I presented it during the secret meeting of the Upper East Siders and I didn't think I made myself clear so I'm just going to type it here so that at least one or 2 of you will understand. Here are the verses:

The translations:

(8) [Other] faces, that Day, will show pleasure.

(9) With their effort [they are] satisfied.

The question is: Why does Allah highlight this part first before telling us about the happiness in Heaven which are described in the following verses? Why didn't he mention about the euphoria in Jannah first?

The answer is: According to the book In the Shade of the Quran, Allah wants to accentuate the happiness when humans discover that all their hard work is paid off; to know that all their effort is rewarded. In this case, the verses are referring to mardhatillah. Imagine the happiness on your faces when you attained this. This is ultimate happiness, even more than the good things in Jannah. Because you're only going to Jannah if Allah pleases.

So yeah, my face was bubbly when I concluded my presentation :)
It was satisfying to know that all the effort I put in for my Prezi presentation is paid off when I saw the happy faces of my friends and tutor.

But on that "that Day"; wouldn't it be great if we could be one of the people with bubbly faces...

the sound of music

Sorry for the long delay. It's hard to do things when you're in Clinical Phase. Anyway, it's time for me to talk about our 2nd destination city - Salzburg, Austria.

You know that when you're on a trip, you try your best to reduce your expenditure to save money. Well, Fikri Hakim was surprised at my determination in performing this endeavour. Thankfully, I can change from a posh socialite wannabe to a traveler on survival mode. Yeap, I would dehydrate and starve myself but not to an extreme level of course (I know the signs of dehydration). It's a way for me to teach myself to be tougher I guess, haha.

Salzburg, Austria

20-22 Feb 2012

For this trip, I acclaimed Salzburg as my favourite place. I actually said to Fikri that I'd be happy to go back home after visiting this place without going to the 3rd country.

So, why do I like this country the most out of the 3? Probably because of the majestic natural beauty blessed by The Almighty~

Day 3 - Mon, 20 Feb 2012

Okay, about the hotels. You have 2 choices; 

A. Stay at a hotel far from the city centre and pay for the bus rides

B. Stay at a hotel at the city and you don't really need bus rides unless you're leaving for the airport or train

We went for A. Maybe because it's cheaper? Well, Fikri Hakim was the one who bought it. You might want to consider the pros and cons of choosing your accommodation when you go to Salzburg.

Train ticket Prague-Salzburg

Oh right, from Prague to Salzburg, the cost of the train tickets is € 52.00. Not a good idea. So, buy earlier online rather than buying them on the spot.

Now for the bus rides in Salzburg, a single ticket costs € 2.10 whereas a one day ticket costs € 4.20. But if you're staying in the hotels in the city centre, you don't really need bus rides unless you're having problems walking.

As usual, it's only validated when you stamp it on the machine just like in Prague. We bought this one since our hotel is far from the city.

 

 I think this shirt is witty

 It may be ugly but the buses in Salzburg are environmental. So, I like it!

 My favourite restaurant since it's purely seafood, haha.

Fish baguette at € 2.99. This is basically my lunch and dinner for a few times.

This is the best hot chocolate I've tasted out of all the places I've been to in my Halfway Breakaway.

Day 4 - Tue, 21 Feb 2012

When you talked about Salzburg to other people, what would usually popped into their heads?


It's usually the movie; The Sound of Music. Yeap, we went on The Sound of Music tour. Even if you've never heard of the movie, you can always go on this trip to look at the stunning views of this wonderful place in Austria. Me, Fikri Hakim along with travelers from the USA got into this minibus and we went to various locations which looked so cool and breathtaking. Lawa giler!! And it's not even spring yet.

 This is the first photo of us together, haha

 This is the tour guide

 This is currently my cover photo on FB

 Apple strudel!

 If you want to get a good view of the city from above, find this lift to the Modern Museum

The price for one way is € 2.00

 We only bought one way since we want to go down the hill afterwards. This is the interior of the building with the secret lift.

 Find this place on top and stand directly in front of it with the exact perspective shown in the picture

Turn around and this is the view that you're looking for, subhanallah

 And this is the route that we took to go down the hill

 Another place that you could go and see the city from a good view is probably to go to Hotel Stein and go to the rooftop at night. We went in daylight and it was okay. I prefer the one from the hill.

 You can then exchange your The Sound of Music Tour ticket to get a ticket to enter Panorama Museum

Panorama Museum, Salzburg

This is the company that arranged our tour, Salzburg Panorama Tours. They actually have more tours like Salt-Mine Tour and Eagle's Nest (some of these tours are only available during summer).

 Paella! A Spanish delicacy in an Austrian city.

 Mozart's birthplace is just next to Nordsee. I bet he likes fish as a child.

And I finally get to taste Jumbo shrimps. It's quite costly and this is the one from Nordsee.

If you love sending postcards to people in Malaysia, the price is € 1.70 (the most expensive of the 3 countries). Lastly, you might want to have a look at Salzburg Card. You can get a free round-trip ticket on the cable car with the card but only get it if you want to go to a lot of places.

So, that's Salzburg for you! Salzburg is probably one of the places that I'd like to go again. I just realized that no matter where I go, it's usually the natural beauty that catches my eye and Salzburg is full of it. 

"And how many signs in the heavens and the earth do they pass by? Yet they turn (their faces) away from them!"

(Yusuf, 12:105)

That shows how impressive is the grandeur of Allah compared to men's creations...

forget you

Firstly, I just want to say thank you to everyone who have given me support since these past few days. It means a lot really. To know that I have wonderful people around who have faith in me when I don't even believe in myself. Of course, being betrayed is hurtful but I'm grateful cause at least, I have something to remember about my dark 3rd Year in the future. I've always wanted my life to be dramatic and alhamdulillah, Allah gave me that. It's just that I hope it won't be too much drama in the future. Enough is enough, haha.

 I even got a mystery delivery (^^,)

Apart from that, Surgery is exciting as ever. I can't deny that it's tiring. I found myself sitting at the reception opening up the doors to the patients coming into the ward at times. Just because I was supposed to talk to new patients being admitted into the hospital. Waiting is agonizing. But there was one day where I get to take lots of blood from patients and also interview a lot of them. I was a rock star on that day. Alhamdulillah, my week in the second most hectic ward has ended (Surgical Admissions Unit, this one is after A&E). I even got a good comment from a patient through my Surgical Teaching Fellow saying that I examined her well. Rasa macam nak nangis bila dapat tau. Itula, it somehow indicates that I may be good in terms of skills but in terms of knowledge? *coughs* 

Well anyway, I get to see the people I care last week, ihik2. That made me happy. I even got to execute the 2nd version of The Amazing Race, muahahaha. This time the idea comes not only from me but from Fadhir, Azhar and Fikri which made it even more challenging and unpredictable. Apart from that, a simple question like "are you okay?" is enough to make me feel better cause I know that the person is there for me. Okay, just realized that my posts can be too emotional -_-". Betulla cakap sorang ni waktu kat suatu tempat best minggu  lepas, "...banyak tweets yang aku dapat. Adlan dengan emonye, kau dgn qawiynye." LOL! Agakla, kepada followers di Twitter, you are more than welcome to stop following me, huhu.

Right, so..why am I writing this post? It's because it's time for me to move on. Actually, I think I moved on many days ago. Like even before Spring Camp UK 2012 (SCUK). But I have to make it official, kah3. See these pictures? I actually kept them because they contain the handwriting of someone inspirational. I even have her signature which I wanted to keep as a souvenir originally. Now, I want to burn them. Seriously. 

Haha, kidding. I'm an environmentalist. So, I'd recycle them all. Dah lama dah simpan dalam bilik. I think it's time to let go. Just forget everything. 

You know when people usually said to us to just forget and move on. Well, it's not as easy as one might think. It takes a lot of determination for you to move on especially after you had a major setback. In my case, the ironic ending of my Honours Year Project. Yelah, lebih-lebih lagi kalau you're a guy with an unexplainable good memory on sentimental events. Lagila susah nak lupakan. But you just have to try and even if you can't, you just move along cause you know that you've had something bad in the past and that can only make you stronger in the future. That's just my personal insight on my dramatic ending.

My Honours Year Project was a real life manifestation of a film noir - a boy trying to realize his sky-high dreams through a homebase he didn't even like with the help of a person who brought him down in the end. Along the way, he experienced false hopes in addition to the stress from the dullness and failures he underwent whilst completing the project. It's drama, betrayal and an ironic ending all in one. And I'm thankful to Allah for giving me a dark chapter in my life cause this made me stronger than before...

fix you

Ok, this post is meant to clarify my tweets since the past few days.

If you looked at this post, you'd know that I was ready to get whatever result for my Honours Year Project...well, I was. Of course, in my mind, the mark that I imagined would be somewhere within the average range. But when I looked into the portal, I was surprised to see that it was so low. Yeah, I was devastated at that time. I've already decided to focus on my BMBS (the 2nd and the main degree) but that low mark made me feel so hopeless. Using the previous year's mark distribution as a guidance, that means, I'm in the bottom 10% of the batch. This is the first time I'm in the bottom 10%. If I'm in a reality show, I'm inches away from elimination.

So yeah, I tweeted some of my expressions hoping to attract my friends' attention. Yeap, when I tweet, I'm actually letting my friends know that I need some morale boosting. Bukan untuk menarik perhatian umum dan menjadi popular! 

On the same day, Dr Har and Dr Hafidzah came to Nottingham to deliver some motivational talks. What are the odds? The 2nd revelation of my exam results happened on the same day as this event -_-" Dah la aku kena jadi emcee.

It was motivational really when Dr Har said that "orang beriman kalau mendapat kesukaran, dia tahu Allah sedang menguji dia". I did feel much better after the talk. Allah sent me Dr Har on the same night I found out about my result.

Tau tak...bila saya dapat homebase Microbiology and Infectious Diseases, saya bagitau kat kawan-kawan (ie Izzul Faiz) yang the only aims for me were to get my project published and to get 1st class. I said to him that, "Yelah, dah tak suka. Fokus untuk dapat result elok je la and publish". Cause I know I wouldn't enjoy doing my project. This conversation took place during summer last year.

My aims were:

- to get published

- to get 1st class

Well, it's obvious I didn't get it published. The project was a microbiological fiasco. And 1st class? *coughs* waaaaayyyyy far from that mark.

Sedih betul cerita ni. Macam drama Melayu di mana watak utama dia kena badi and then semua orang keliling dia jadi lumpuh, kena langgar kereta, syarikat muflis, mak tiri buli etc.

Tu lah dia, kegagalan Adlan Wafi. Oh, saya tak fail ye. Lagipun, mana boleh fail. Kalau fail apa jadi? Orang tu kena repeat projek untuk 8 bulan lagi? Kesian orang tu.

So anyway, I felt better on Friday...until I opened up the feedback envelope which I received from Fadh who collected in on my behalf since my hospital is like so far away.

I looked at my disseration mark...not bad. I was happy to see the comment from Dr Shanika Crusz. She's so supportive and understanding. My viva mark was predictable. I didn't really performed. And my supervisor's mark?

TOTAL SHOCKER!

She decided to give me the lowest mark I have ever obtained in the whole 3 years of my medical course. I felt like my heart was stabbed with a pipette. I know she was being professional but I didn't really think that my performance was really that bad. Upon looking at the feedback, there were only 2 sentences written negatively about me. I was so baffled! I kept looking at the feedback every now and then to check if there was an error...she might have chosen the mark by mistake, it might have been incorrectly entered into the system, whatever the possible mistakes could be. I was in ultimate denial. Cause what I felt whilst meeting her didn't correlate to this result.

I know, I could email her asking for clarification but no, I don't want to be affiliated with her in any ways after this. I emailed a friend of mine who had her as a supervisor as well and I'll wait for his response to see if his mark was as bad as mine.

It's so heartbreaking really. I don't even think I can face her anymore (not that I see her nowadays). In my mind, she's like Darth Vader or Aizen Taichou. Sorry, I could not think of any female characters who became evil and hurt those who believed in them at the moment.

 Source: dreager1

Source: deviantart

So the main reason why I'm all so depressed is because I was let down by the person whom gave me hopes when all I see in the lab was torture. I tweeted her name over and over again when I did my project cause she was so motherly..she was one of the reasons why I still have the spirit to go to the lab early in the morning and even to make me withstand the workload even though it was already 9 pm. She was my inspiration...now she's someone whom I wish I could forget.

On the bright side, Fikri got me a cake trying to cheer me up =)

My hopes were crushed by the very person whom gave them to me in the first place. It's the feeling that I wish none of you would ever have to experience cause it's just so painful. I'm torn asunder...

part of me

This is one of the shortest posts on being me ;)

I just want to let you know that I passed my third and final module for the Nottingham Advantage Award, alhamdulillah! This means I've completed the journey =')

If you want to read about how I felt, please click here. And if we're friends on FB, like what Mohd Herie Dahlan and me are right now ;) then you'd see the screenshot that I've uploaded:

I'm just so happy, alhamdulillah :))))) Of course, I tweeted my happiness as always.

Oh, by the way, this is the first time I linked my blog on UoN to being me. I'm a bit hesitant about it really since my personal blog is filled with so many details about myself but then, when I think about it again, this might be the only time for me to attract the attention of others towards Islam. Sure, my writing may not be that good, but at least it's an effort, isn't it? And I'm happy as long as Allah appreciates =)

Anyway, here are the 3 modules that I've done:

Student Associates Scheme

(and this is the special post)

NUSA (Nottingham University Samworth Academy): Insight into Education

Arabic Level 1 Part 1

Okay, I'm going back to King's Mill Hospital early tomorrow morning since I'm just too tired and sleepy right now. (Tapi masih sempat untuk type 2 posts :P)

And to the people whom I met this weekend and got gifts from me, well that's simply because I love making people's day.

What I learned from this weekend was...we are servants. We serve others by greeting others, helping one another and by doing good deeds.

And how does Adlan Wafi serve others?

He serves others by making them smile, happy and tries his best to make other people's days..and he especially enjoys serving his friends...